gEnE_nAtIoN

Future

2011-12-27T00:41:00.002+08:00

Will I be successful?

Will I able to get rich?

Right now, I have no confident. It seems like I'm on my own. Nobody to turn to.

My parents just won't give me the money to study.

My grandma, I really can't bear to take anymore money from her. Firstly, I am not sure that if in future, I can ever provide her what she needs. Secondly, with her condition right now, she needs the money more than me and i shall not go further.

Myself? I'm sad to say I'm living with no savings. I'm always work as a temp and income is always lower than my spending. Well, I am not that great to get any Birseries or any government subsidies. I thought of bank loan but, there will be too big for an mouthful as there are so much commitments I have.

Who to help me? Who? Everyday I pray, pray for some miracles to happen. Sad to say I even thought of winning the lottery.

Sad Sad life.

2011-02-21T01:39:00.003+08:00

I will CRY ALONE.

YOU WONT know.

Its good that way.

IM DEAD SAD & HEARTBROKEN.

HELP ME TAKE OUT THE KNIFE AND LET ME BLEED me DEATH.

ONLY death will take away the pain and make it numb.

2011-01-19T01:23:00.002+08:00

Another sleepless night.

Another time right.

Another tired fight.

Another unhappy sight.

Another sorry plight.

Another day flight.

Another happiness might.

Another time bright.

BYE..

2011-01-15T00:09:00.003+08:00

Nobody really concerns about me....

I'm unwanted, unknown, un-heard, un-spoken.

I have lots of things to say, I have lots of things to do. I have lots of thoughts to carry out. Nobody ever listen or give a fuck. I have no friends, to share my woes to share my success. Who should i spoke to when i have issues? When i need opinions, suggestions, who should i turn to? You? Every time the less i ask you the better, the less i bother you the better, the less i say the better, Opinion or suggestions? You will say you wouldn't know. How? I suppose to solve it myself suppose to handle things myself. Its fucking tough, anybody know that?

Why doesn't anybody take a look at me rather than judge me as what they think? I'm sick. I'm the doctor, i'm the medicine, i'm the nurse that ease the pain. Nobody will even take a look at me and say "What happen to you?" "let me solve it for you".

Suck it up, take it or leave it, that's life, shut up and carry on. YES, this is my story, my life. Puppet show everybody. What you wish i will be, I will die trying. Its ok, i should like it. Nope its ok, I should enjoy it. I tell you i'm ok, I'm able to do it.

I need an audience that will listen to my performance (S>A>D).

* {MR SANDMAN BRING ME A DREAM} *

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZ

2011-01-11T01:17:00.003+08:00

Another Sleepless Night.

HATE IT. WHEN CAN THIS STOP. EVERYTIME THERE IS SOMETHING I NEED TO DO OR IMPORTANT THIS COMES OUT. ANYBODY EVER EVER THINK OF ME AND CARE BOUT WHAT I DOING?

I CANT SLEEP. OFF TO PLAY BLACK SHOT TO SHOT SOMEONE TO EASE MY PAIN. I AM DAMN SAD AND ALONE.

NOBODY WILL CARE NOBODY WILL EVEN BOTHER ABOUT WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH. IM TIRED MY HEADACHE HAS WORSEN. I HAVE NEVER SLEEP ENOUGH FOR THIS COMING 2 WEEKS. THANKS BOSS.

I NEED TO DIE.

2011-01-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

Happy 2011.

I'm not happy at all as for today.

My first lied in 2011. I can't sleep at all. I watching youtube on all the music videos. I'm feeling damn bad. nobody actually understand or do anything. Thought i can have a early rest and sleep to have a sweet long dream.

Sometimes, things that you wished damn bad for will always not come true.

Crying does not help.
Still sad is all i Felt.
Slowly sadness melts
and swallow my whole self.

I AM SAD. WHO KNOWS?

2010-10-21T00:10:00.003+08:00

After a packet of cigarettes, I will be gone.

Just like the weeds has turn to ashes.

Smoke disappear in the air.

That's me.

Officially pronounce Eugene Tan is DEAD.

2010-10-18T13:35:00.004+08:00

I crying at my workplace now. Every place every office i been to always have to be like this. But you, when u are working i suppose to take anything u give me, cant quarrel cant do this must accept this and that.

Damn Upset. Everything's my fault.

I'm sad. I'm quitting this job. There's no mood for me to work. I'm just putting my head on the desk and drowning myself with sadness.

Come and fire me.

2010-10-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

2010-10-07T00:30:00.002+08:00

I'm upset. I'm pathetically upset.

I can't tell nobody, I'm listening to my favorite songs and singing in tears.

Try to get some sleep later and hope i could have a good dream.

Nothing else I can say,
Lets just pray,
Hope I can see things in the right way,
to let my sadness go away.

Sucks to the Core.

2010-08-26T01:41:00.004+08:00

Bullshit life.

So Cold & Lonely.

Could not sleep. Feel Like Crying, or tears have start dropping. Feel like a wimping kid just got bully in school. Who will understand how it feels?

This is how life is and end up. No matter how bad or how good life still goes on. Is just that how you look at it. But there will be times that are really difficult. Its just that sometimes you really need to find someone to talk to but in the meantime you wish to be alone. Complicated and fucked up. Just so fucked up.

Never Mind. Who will give a shit about your life bro? Who the fuck will give a shit to all your fucking nonsense and gay sadness that you keep bothered with? Fuck this keyboard. the LETTER D IS WEAK AND NOW IT IS BROKEN.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

I seriously not sure what the fuck I am typing all this while. Really could not sleep. I wanna runaway from this life I'm living in. MONEY $$$$$$ is always the key to happiness. is it? Lets fight for the first price of TOTO tomorrow. Hope i win the First Price and its like a pass to FUCK THOSE THAT FUCK YOUR LIFE YOU KNOW?

GUESS WHY THIS LETTER D IS SPOIL. Cus i fucking hate the person name that start with D? so coincident? FUCKING HELL IT is. Anyway, FUCK THIS POST.

Back to some drawings. Maybe this is what i like. Maybe this is what i good at. But so? NO FUTURE WILL BE WHAT I GET. I'm being chew up and spit out from this society. All they want is to put you into their shoes. Put you into their situation. Now who the fuck will put themselves into my shoe?

ALL the FUCKED up customers, Get a life instead of tell me all the nonsense that you wish i can do for you.

BYE.

2010-06-27T02:13:00.000+08:00

I'm neither rich nor handsome.

I'm neither smart or talented.

I'm neither good or caring.

I'm neither a choice or a chance.

I'm always the forgotten one.

Edge

2009-12-21T12:32:00.003+08:00

Is where i stand now.

Somebody just push me off.
To fall as fast as i could.
So i wouldn't feel much pain
When i realise i'm already gone.

Who is in the wrong gnorw eht ni si ohw

I'm Not Ok. Not Alright.

2009-10-04T17:30:00.004+08:00

"I MAY NOT NEED TO WAIT FOR YOU TO FINISH NS."

Thanks. I shall remember it.

I Shouldn't Think Highly Of Myself.
WAKE UP.

Time won't stop, So are the troubles.

2009-06-28T18:08:00.004+08:00

Hi Blog.

Today went out with Meiwern. Thought we will actually enjoy myself but ended up bad again. I felt that we always has ups and downs within a week. Last 2 days we did enjoy ourself, but today we ended up quarrel again.

I kinda wonder, is it because we can't meet up often cause we will ended up quarrel for the week. She always say I need to change or I never change. Well, seriously, I really change alot. I'm not used to be like this in the past. And for awhile, I finally realise what was the thing i should change. I should just change myself to accept what she was. Since she always says that she doesn't want to change, then that's the only option I will have to take.

But isn't accept her means i have to bear her everything? Then i'll be like a balloon keep taking in the unwanted things that she will give me and ended up what we are now. I don't know. I took alot of craps that she gave me already and there are really times that I feel like punching on the walls just to vent my anger. I control, I really did control. She says my temper is bad when i did this, but have she wonder how come I will ended up in this way? Let's just forget about that.

I just hope everything will just go smoothly for me. I love her so much. Really.

So Eugene, Just Accept Her.

Yes.

I will.

I Need A Hug.

2009-06-21T18:17:00.002+08:00

Testing That Is This Blog Being Close?

1 2 3..................................................................................

Haha. I'm Blind.

So many things in my head. Its about to explode.

So who's the real me? Nobody knows. Even I don't understand. Sometimes I lose myself. I lose control. People see me as crazy? Partner is embarassed to have me? That's not I need anyway. Everytime a serious relationship never get to last. Is it I'm not fated to have one? Or should I really have to act like a jerk then it will be ok?

My head is swollen. I guess there's blood.

Anyway I am contented. For what I have now. Other things, will have to wait and see. Lets nature take its course. Seriously, I really think that the outcome will be the same. Its so similar to what i experience in the past. Will we be together? I guess you will just find somebody better than me. I say this is to make who feel better? Me or you? If I ever told you I really love you only, will you believe? If I told you, you are the only person I wanna live with, will you believe? If i told you, i will change, will you believe?

Crying Makes my life worsen.

Suck it up Eugene,
It's the same old scene.

2009-01-30T22:49:00.002+08:00

This Chinese New Year its really not for me. It's boring, it's really not that happening after all. Everything just pass as per normal. Not really much mood to celebrate. Is it NS or is it everybody changing, who knows who cares. My birthday was the worst of everything. I have to book in, i was rushing, really not enough sleep. The most important thing was i didn't even enjoy just for a normal day. Hated my life.

I haven't been really lucky after.

Today is a bad day for me. Unlimited bad things just waiting for me to uncover, one by one make me sad. First, how can i be so that sway, have to do guard duty again after i pitiful completed 3. And the worst of all is during my block leave. Fuck, just don't let me enjoy at all. I really felt very down and angry. What's the worst was, there's this motherfucker, that laughed at me. Yeah, I'm that sway, but is that the permission for you to laugh at? Is not the first time bro, you have been laughing at me at Friday when i pathetically doing duty while others having half day off. This sucks and i gotta put an end to it.

But who can I depend on when I'm down?

From 08 to 09, thought it will be better in time.

Quarrel never ever stop. Quarrel over a ez-link card. Is it worth it to get both party to be angry with each other. I really Had Enough. It's not first time, it's not any last time. It's my fault, but its really a small matter. I know, probably I will get feedback that "Oh, you are just a guy, you wont know." But when you really think bout it, is it really worth to make a big whoo ha on it? I know you are angry with me for not listening to you but does this matter really important that it can really prove I will never listen to you anymore? And, have you really ever listen to me that is a surprise for me that my mama change me card?

Just when i thought things gonna be better tomorrow or tonight, guess I just think too much.

I am sorry for everything. Today it's really a bad day for me. Maybe I still sad bout my birthday. Or luck is just not with me this year, I am really tired.

Started trying to cheer up
Ended trying to keep it up

2008-11-22T03:21:00.002+08:00

NSF

How does this 2 yrs going to change my life. It has been awhile since i blog cus I'm really been worn out by NS.. why is it so difficult for me to go through. Others can pass it normally or even enjoying it, for me, i can adapt but i cant change character to adapt it.

I don't aim high, i have no urgency, i don't lead, so how am I going to survive. and right now, days are getting more and more tough for me. I'm now an engineer which is quite a tough vocation. Just like the course i undergoing now, its just 2weeks and i am barely surviving it.

Sometimes, i am curious whether people are born to be selfish or they choose to be selfish. In army, is not surprising to find a handful of these fuckers. Yes, i use the word FUCKER cus i am really pissed with them.

Example: Tomorrow i need to wake up at 3am, and my rest of bunk mates wake up at 6 as they are not on course. There's a trend of playing magic cards now in the platoon and count myself unlucky to have 1 crazy addict that loves to play. He know i have to wake up at 3, but he still play his fucking card with his friends and talks, laughs loud. I mean its ok for me to sleep with lights on but its too much for me to take the noise level. So i went up and told them "do you know i need to wake up early tomorrow?" guess what they say, "Ya, i know, so you better don't wake me up." After that sentence, i fucking wanna slap his mouth till his tooth drop out. Damn asshole, thinking that he is a white horse, he can do anything he wants but that's too bad cus I really don't give a fuck about it. damn inconsiderate selfish.

I really don't understand, as we both are human, we both have mother and father, why is it so hard to spare a thoughts for your own bunkmtaes. anyway, fuck them.

Lets sleep.

A 2 weeks Soldier

2008-06-29T02:34:00.003+08:00

I'm back for tekong and today is jus my fucking last day. Times seems fast in Singapore. Days in Singapore are sure not enough for me.

Well, in all my life I am just pleasing everyone. Lets just say I try to please everyone. But sometimes, i really need some space for me to at least breathe and recuperate. Its tough for me. There are really too many things to do and sleeping are just a need that i have been craving for so long and right now I have not done so. I know I will suffer at the last but for me, what's more important than to see the one you love smiles and laugh at the things you do.

I miss you dear..

Take care..

2008-04-05T00:13:00.002+08:00

It has a million years since I ever blog, and everytime I blog is during my low period.

THIS TIME IT AINT ANY DIFFERENT.

Why does guys should not get treated like people do? Everytime, they are expected to take in shits that girls throw, eat it, swallow it and feel good. Everytime, they are expected to treat girls every second every minute every hour every day every month every year every decade good. Everytime, they are expected not to blame girls in any wrong they ever done. Everytime they expected to give in even they are not in the wrong.

WHY NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND?

Oh, girls have to give birth ma.. Girls have periods ma.. Girls are weak ma.. Girls are this ma..

Then guys cant have shit in job? Guys cant be stressful in maintaining family n job? Guys cant be tired and worn out? Guys cant be upset or unhappy?

Why do u all think that guys love to drink n girls dont? Cus guys cant vent anger on anybody.. Can guys get shit in job n go home show off his anger? Nope, its wrong. Girls leh, feeling unhappy, scold us and show us attitude are not wrong.

I cant be unhappy. Even I am, it can only last a second. Everything its my fault, no matter what i do its not enough. How hard i try it cant be appreciated. It will always be not enough not what i want not good not even understand me.

MY job is tough, i told you yet you didnt even feel a thing. Its hard for me. Its really hard. SO? I have a headache. SO? I did things for you. SO?

I'm a angry man. YES I AM. Its hard for me to change, just like its hard for you to change anything. But how? Play dota lor. Can kill those bastards then laugh at them then team mates will say you Wa so pro. Then i feel like a happy man. I need praises and vent my anger to carry on. I cant get it from you so I get alternative resources which is dota. But i cant play cus i have to dedicate my every second to you. THen where does my anger go? Accumilate lor. Till a point of cant take it, I erupted. And this is the point of time you will say I have bad temper.

LIKE THAT HOW? PLEASE SHOW ME A WAY..

Zzzzz

2008-02-13T00:55:00.001+08:00

Who the fuck ever think of hey eugene have a sore throat, let him rest a fucking while?

I care for you. I scared you couldnt wake up or tired i decide to meet u at 11 at ur house. I still wake up at 9.15 with a very bad headache and shit. Toilet in use. I waited outside for my turn n my phone was in a silent mode if it wasnt, that i should be able to answer your 1.23am call.. So i dint reply or dint answer your call, thinking u haven wake up and not by purpose. As it is really late, i went back n surprise tt i receive ur call n msg. I call u back but you just scold me. OH its my fault.

Now at night. My throat hurts coughing like mad. I just say something that is stupid. You want me to repeat. I did say nth, but you still want me to repeat. I repeat and you cant hear. So its repeat and repeat. But not enough. You need me to repeat so many times then u will say its too loud the background sound. You just yell at me. Well, im angry. I say back. or i scold u. Cus its really hurts me too much my throat.

Everything its my fault. Im sorry.

2008-01-28T12:59:00.000+08:00

I am a sad fuck that always gets the blame.

SELFISH.

ALL YOU KNOW ITS YOURSELF, HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF OTHERS?

Happy New Year Everyone.

2008-01-08T20:49:00.000+08:00

First blog of 2008. It should be a good one but too bad.

This season, it seems like a trend of "eugene do this, eugene do that". I hate it. Why everybody can't do things on their own? They all answer you, "I am busy". Well, go to hell then. I am busy too, I have so much things to do too. When I rest and relax abit, these people will haunt me and say since I am so free please help out. BULLSHIT. You all find time for yourself, why can't I? I am alien that work everyday? I guess lately I have been sleeping less than 6hrs a day. That is whole lot lesser than the time i spend do things. I am very tired, I need some sleep. I guess I will get worked up easily lately.

Anyway, i got a good celebration welcoming 08. So, its not that bad. Gosh, Time to do work.

With good attitude, Helps come Easily.
Learn IT.

lousy post.

2007-11-29T10:25:00.001+08:00

I Hate You. Why you such an asshole. ZZZZZ.

I feel like playing you out. Ahh, act like an asshole.

DAY THAT RUIN MY DAY

2007-11-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

Let me curse the hell of somebody first.

Fuck you piece of shit. Although I am not in your class, what the fuck you gave me this marks for? Why am i doing that much you give me this much. You fucking blind or you just fucking kidding me?

I saw it and feel that what the fuck. It sucks. All the overnight shit i have been through, worth only a fucking few marks. Fuck off. It sucks, It really do. I was depleted. I feel that what i have done seems to get me nowhere. Ah, I was still worry for someone else and in fact, i get the lowest. Fuck those shits that love to care for themselves. Fuck those people that trying to win by stepping over people. Fuck those people that did a few get a bundle. Fuck you all, Please go and die. I am not happy at all, NO.

AHhhhhh, sucks..

What's next, Quarrel. Why? 5cents. Why? You never even care about me. I sleep 3hrs, I carry those heavy stuff, i help you do everything that you need, all i get is saying i cant bring the bag up for you to take things? My hand has completely tired out and it's so pain. All the things i sacrifice i get nothing. I know i shouldn't be angry, but i couldn't control it. The tired the pain the shaky hands that nearly drop my laptop, i really can't take it.

Today is nothing day for Me. What i did equals ZERO. Yes, zero day for me too. Its ok. What's the use of crying over spill milk. Get over it and show the world that "Hey, Fuck you assholes that trying to steal the limelight".

I just wanna get HEARD.

Will you Dear, spend sometime to see what i been through and hug me tightly?

Silence.

2007-11-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

Just got scolded. Always have the scold me when he does not even take a look at himself.

Suddenly my hard disk can't work, think back of what i did, sad. But now, its ok. Think its virus or whatever.

Now my dear suddenly say think back incident, nothing to say.

Actually, today went out quite well at the start. But don't understand why must it end up this way.

Somebody late and keep so quiet. When I'm late, its so different. Went to eat long john silver, not bad. Got what, all new clam chowder. And this stall serves crumbs. Wow. But regret as further down it will explain why. Went to cathay starbucks, full house. Go down to the basement, saw shi lin. LOL, somebody regret to be full. So went to starbucks to check again, still full. No choice, when to see TCC at Dohby Ghuat, not PS. Inside is full, we need to go in for the sockets as my laptop battery sucks, only 2hours. Ok, went to starbucks at ps, full too. Then didn't know why, went to PS for. Then came back to TCC and saw a table free. Ok, quite heng, but too bad no socket. But luckily, there's another table that have socket and free.

Ok, so move to this table and the waiter so lousy. Bad service, called him and he just walk away. Ok, then went there order drinks. Somebody order what sea of passion, I think its nice, she think it sucks. Then do our work and there's this table have nice smell of spagetti. LOL. She's interested. Then they keep seduce our hunger by call another plate and this mother order super small coffee drink. LOL. Ok, we can't take it. We check out the price, it's not really worth it. So we order some fried seafood. Calamari was nice. Then we do our work again and we really wanna try the spagetti. It was nice with lemon and the scallop was disappointing. And we were full and this makes us regret the long john earlier. LOL.

Ok, home liao. See this stupid uncle, pick up cans also need to attitude. Then this couple keep play with the cans. LOL. Ok, lucky got eye for an guy 2 on the way go home. Keep watch and didn't wanna sleep. Then wait till hougang liao then start to sleep. LOL, then sleep all the way till somebody call me to wake up at interchange. Then quickly run to take 136. I chase and reached liao. The driver close the door and drove. Then he stop when he saw me. But i still curse him for not driving away cause i will take 62 as it comes right after i board 136. Asshole, need to walk further. But never mind, napfa is coming soon.

We may fail in some ways,
But we may win with many ways.

2007-10-29T05:10:00.000+08:00

Ha. Blog.

Couldnt really sleep back. 2 more hours i have to be someone alarm clock.

Sat on it.

I was super early at amk. I forget it was 1.45. i got about 30mins to spare. so i draw money 2 times. and spend it 1 time. pro. make way to my house and realise that chomp chomp have thai express. eat alot, got cheated by some bbq seafood shit. Fucking hell, not the same as the picture. Went over to my house. She sleeping i watching tv. Rush to the suntec, play few rounds of cooking master and photohunt.

I was quite angry with myself as i waste lots of time going home to take specs. And i tend to get irritate that i am very late. I am sorry that i let my anger out of control dear. Anyway, the chalet was a mess. First, the cab driver joker, then william another joker, 1 tell me this another tell me that. Fuck la. Drive me to golf club when i going chalet. When over, can't even saw 33, have to walk in abit. Thought i was lost. I saw william outside but i cant confirm as there are a huge group gather inside the living room. What the hell, all the relatives of his came and stay overnite. Wa, boring. When up, wa, all eat like. Only left me, teck sun and kah meng hungry.

So kah meng is the chef of the day. HO, then william forget to borrow bikes, then lip chung was so pissed and he ran off alone to the beach. Dont know how. Then they went bowling which is so lousy, jeffrey pull me to play pool. Kinda let him win, but we still draw. Ok, go play ground, back to chalet again. nothing to do, sleep. Sleep at the floor lor. So sian. Then went home at 10.25.

Sun rise,

Sleep whole day. Nice.

Alone and think, about something. You are always the one i love, i feel for, i need. I hope you will to accept the apologies of a bastard that is willing to change for the good and make you happy for the rest of your life. I going to army soon i guess. I hope that i will still able to have you to make me get leave everytime in the army.

Opportunity, take and learn.

2007-10-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

I expected it and it came truth. I dislike the feeling but what can i do? Say badly, I am the cause. So I can only blame myself. From this very moment, i wont beg for forgiveness anymore. I will make up everything and let you forgive me eventually. Its hard its tough, since I am the cause, i will have to pay.

But what can i say is I Love You Dear. This is the word that will be keep in my heart forever and ever.

Everytime I see couples around, I feel sad. I feel like i gradually tear this relationship apart. Every night, I will sure have toss and turn and hate myself for it. I try to bring this relationship back, but it seems that everytime I fail. I just cant accept the things she say to me. I told my mama, she say "Its normal for girls. So live with it." Ya, i know, cause she's also have... Anyway, ya, i live with it, no matter how pain it is for me to hear it, let it be. What's important now is her feeling, mine can wait and i can settle myself.

End. (hope its the trouble)

2007-10-23T00:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

My head is suffering from alot of pain. I am not sure that there's something happening inside. I am really not sure.

1 thing i am sure about is i love u dear.. i really love u alot dear.. my 1 and only dear, lim meiwern. i really love u.. please hear me out can? i will didnt expect this. i know i did something really wrong. i admit. i admit it, i admit i take pictures with other girl and i lie to u that i was in other place. i scared u will think otherwise tt's y i am not telling u. please dont leave me, i really holds highly on this relationship. u are really important to me than anything else. its pain to see u sad, it pains more to be the 1 causing it. i am guilty i am willing to give up anything to save this relationship. i dont really wanna end, i wanna be with u forever n ever.. i wanna grow old with u i wanna take care of u i wanna start a family with u..

i make a mistake, i broke ur heart, will u give me a chance to fix back ur heart? its a mistake, its really a stupid mistake tt i make, i dint did any unfaithful things. i really love u.. please dont leave me ok? i am sorry i dint be there for u, i really cant accept the fact that u kept reminding me of the incident. i really cant take it when i hear u kept saying it. it seems like to more u talk to me, the more u saw me, the more painful u live on. i really very sad.

i dont want this relationship to end. i true to u, i changed, u ask me to do wat i willing to do it. just dont leave me, i prepare to give u what u wat, i know i really know i will do whatever it takes to have u back in my arms and be happy tog.. i really want to make it happen.

Please forgive me please forget it. Please give me a chance. Please let me show u how i love u..

i was wrong, and i was wrong again. but this time, i wont make anymore mistakes. Not even a slight mistakes. just come back into my arms, i give u wat u need. jus forget my wrongdoings.

DEAR I NEED YOU. I CANT SPEND MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU. I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.. I REALLY NEED YOU.. PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT HOW LONG WE BEEN TOG. I REALLY LOVE YOU DEAR.. I DID MAKE A MISTAKE, LET ME FIX THE MISTAKE. PLEASE. DEAR, PLEASE.

没意识。

2007-09-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

I walk in the rain to hide my tears. My feelings are rather to be wash away as nobody seems to feel it anyway.

Its 7pm. Every worker in all part of singapore starts to rush home. Lucky for me, I am working at harbourfront. That's so great, as i will have seats to rest my feet from 1 end to another. Crowd after crowd filled the cubicle station after station. War will develop as space is limitted for everybody. Walkway disappear not long after a few station. There I am, happily and relieved to get a space with is not squeezy and do not need to fight bitterly to get some space to stand comfortably.

Was chatting on the phone, suddenly thought of no dinner came to my forgetful mind. I guess I take granted for my dinner to be fixed by my mama every evening. But i am glad to eat out as i can meet my dear for dinner, as I am MISSING HER ALOT. I was reaching potong pasir in a bout a minute, she was still hesistating whether to meet. I was rushing for an answer as i reached the station and the door had open. Just then she say ok and i squeeze all i can through the swarm of crowds. Yes, swarm. Everybody just stick together tightly and not even a rat can squeeze through. All i was apologizing as i squeeze through. People after people, they seems hard to understand "Excuse Me". I can't see that being polite can help me out in this situation. Just i about squeezing through and left few steps to the door, bell rang, door close, my heart sank deeply into the bottom of D (SAD).

I am sad and disappointed. I was blaming all the people that block my way, but i look at the reflection and feel i should say earlier anyway. What's more luck coming my way, i couldn't get any reception. or its the opposite. Feeling she will call me back, i wait. Wait for too long, i decided to message her as i thought maybe its not reception but her handphone battery were low like yesterday. Then she asking what happen, i told her what i experience but didn't know what i get was blaming me from not getting down. I try all i could just to know as long as you fail, you fail. There wont be 2nd chance, everybody will blame you, say you, hurt you, criticse you, won't understand how hard you put an effort to it.

I just couldn't bring myself to talk to someone that i have explain but i still get the blame. If you think i am lying, then its really no point.

NO POINT.

HarbourFront Holiday.

2007-09-09T19:57:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of my freedom. I will be again tied down to a job. A job that is kinda serious and i need it very much. All you going to see me will be long sleeves shirt and black pants black shoe and maybe those clothes i have worn a numerous of times. LOL. I am not sure whether i am up to this job or not. Its like i am all alone in this big company and its kinda first time for me to experience this things. All my previous job were like slack around and not much need to have any contact with anyone.

This is different. I will probably stuck with a team of serious people that do serious stuff and will be kept busy. I am not sure and really nervous about this job. I think maybe this is the experience that i need to overcome fear of mixing around. But this job is quite dead i guess. Just follow what they ask me to do and sit there or move around. Also it comes with quite gd pay and i got a direct way to the place and that's the most lovable about the job. Whatever i do, i guess i wont blow away my job cause i invest quite alot on it. Although the hour is long and constrain me to do alot of things, i will try to get used and plan neatly.

Guess i wont have much time to enjoy my holidays as this job grab hold my freedom till skool starts. It also grab hold of my chances meeting my gf which i am gonna miss her every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every night.

Anyway, weekends are the best time for rest and dating. I will really capture and spend them fruitfully.

Saturday.

I know i am late. I am really lazy. Its all i can say. Ok, then went down took bus go kallang. This time meet at dark dark bus stop. Spare those walking, GREAT. LOL. Then went down to vivocity. Its not as plan and we will kept doing this forever i guess. There are 2 things in our life that we will not able to eat, Tanjong Pagar Yong Tou Fu and Golden Mile Teriyaki Chicken. LOL. Always plan to eat that, we will head down to Kim Gary to try more dishes. And i can say Kim Gary gives great food but lousy services. Especially this aunty, always went there she wear a black face mask. Then she ordered veggie rice with chicken and i order nissin noodles with pork chop. I ordered a pork chop bun and a mango juice. I have discovered that no places can sell the best mango juice anymore. All like sucks. Ok, then very nice, ultra nice, all so nice.

After meal, we walk around, saw shop small two. There got lots of ways to prepare duck, more than the menu we saw at marina square. Then we walk and this dear always wanna find tommy. Dunno why. Then first time climb down the stairs then spy him. He's not there and we head down to see my clothes. Not much, all so so expensive. Then went over to marina square. Same old same old stuff we do at 97. Secret. Then go visit the food fair. Full of people and the food there not really that nice after all. Sway sway saw my cousin. Dont understand why she like to work in exhibition. Then walk 1 round we went to the game fair at the top level. Thanks dear, she so sweet to accompany me down and see and play the simpson game. Haha. Then went back to food fair as somebody stomach hungry le lor. LOL, ate her favourite shark fin soup and my big sausage and the not nice squid. Also buy the grass jelly and mango drink. All not nice at all, lousy food fair. Then went over to bought the tapioca chips. 1 for my dear and 2 for my parents. Quite cheap. Then went to marina sqaure see my clothes then went to suntec see my clothes. In the end went back to marina square G2000 to buy my clothes. Before that we went to arcade at suntec. We are so lousy in playing cooking master. Dont know what happen.

Somebody is hungry again. Then quickly take bus to geylang to enjoy an expensive frog porridge dinner. This dear so excited to eat it. Then went to G7, i wanna order more but this dear kept stopping me. In the end we only order frog, buy 2 give 1 and spicy kang kong. All so nice. This dear, give her eat also not happy. And her stomach is hoo hooo hooo.

But i still love her so much.

Love does grow during relationship. It grows and meanwhile we start to depend more to each other. Its good as we wont neglect each other when we are busy. We just going to miss each other so much that we always find time to meet. My dear is so cute when she just say she miss me so so much and cant see me often. I like the face and her innocent upset face. She also give me the strength to work hard, find job to feed her also i get to earn some money. If not, i will be staying at home cause i'll have enough to spend for myself.

I really love her so so much. I will miss her alot during my work. I'll always cherish every saturday as its the only day i can discover happiness and love together in this cute girl of mine.

I love you dear, i am sorry if i cant meet you always, i promise u i will find time for you and earn lots of money to give you good life.

2007-08-05T19:16:00.000+08:00

Saturday.

Wake up and saw my dear call me. Was expecting her sms early at the morning but never so continue to sleep till late. Damn tired and dont know why kept stomach pain for this few days. Strange. Then call her back and quickly prepare to meet her afterwards. She havent ready yet, still go up her house, press so many bells, knock so many times on the door then she open. Thinking of going to watch some shows, i take off my lousy shoe that is so hard to wear then she say time to go. So walk along the coffeeshop, then suddenly she like walk so fast dont care me. Although she do that most of the time but this seems different, then know her who still work there.

Went to search for the golden mile food centre, its the same place that we used to eat fried kway teow. But never notice or know there sell such a great japanese food. wow. But late meet, late went there, the queue was like dragon. Ok, then continue eat our kway teow. Always dont let me eat the hum.

Went to plaza singapura cause she promise me to watch the simpson. Then tickets sold out left only 4.40 so went over to cathay see there have anot. But along our way to the booth, stuck at the television watching neopets cartoon. LOL. In the end cathay start at 5 too, did i mention m1 sucks? So bullshit, wanna check the cathay also dont have. So we went to marina square, as usual not surprise. Buy tickets go arcade, check out some people playing those eat money kinda machine. Kept so close of getting but only get cheated in the end. Saw kids kinda pro playing house of dead 4.

Then something struck her mind, say wanna go play cooking master. LOL. Then we suddenly thought of making reservation at dian xiao er. So we go and saw all the staff except 1 is sleeping. Actually i wanna talk to him in chinese but at that time i really forget how to say everything in chinese. So i just talk to him in english and he reply me all in chinese. LOL. Then say what no reservation only get the first priority. Then got 1 thing more funny, this dear, forget we are at marina square still say go what marina square to book dian xiao er. Then went to suntec and feel like out of time so go watch abit of WCG dota. Then saw the new samsung f500 really got free wu jian dao. LOL. Then we went back to GV to queue up for the mouth watering saliving nachos from golden village. The best nachos in the world. If you say there's other place, i dont really care, i just like there.

Didnt know such a cock movie also can full house. I was pretty shocked. Lots of commercial till we finish our nachos. Then the movie is so funny, laughing all the way. The most funniest movie ever and dont know who still say not worth it and not nice. LOL, then in the movie laugh the loudest is her. LOL. Dine at dian xiao er, everything was nice but the dong po rou taste funny. Must really thanks my dear for treating me the dinner. Thanks her so much. I love you dear. Then went to complete our cooking master, saw a lot of people got cheated at happy lifter which we already quit then saw a guy kept winning and play till so slowly. I went up to challenge him and he lose he still choose the same character as mine. Please, dont so copy can, not creative. And the most important point is, he still lost. But his friend quite pro in the catus guy. Then i play till smoothly got a guy challenge me again. And same thing, i win him. My team is god so waste money to challenge only. Then i turn back see him, his face is quite tulan. Then i at 5th lor, so bullshit. I always first leh.

Then sent her home, took cab cause stomach pain again then reach home, sleep. THE END.

Things start to change after the day. I really didnt know what happen. I am sorry for my wrong. But you seems to... *sigh, let's leave everything behind.

I love you forever and ever 1 and only lao puo da ren dear. No matter what happen, i still love you always.

escape is fun with her and she so pro in go kart. she beat me everytime :)

2007-07-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

Its been so long since i blog. Lately, i am bothered by somethings. I just cant figured it out.

I dont know why i cant sleep, i can sleep and wake up at anytime before 2.30 then sleep like a log.. Then everyday will be all so tired.. I only have less than 5hrs of sleep.. And this office has a idiotic boss, with the name "Kuan Yin". He just like to busy himself by peeping other people or just go around asking "which stages are you at now", "what are you doing now". All my collegues hated him and that makes him nobody to talk to in the office.. Well, he only click with one of our boss, actually is the accountant, that always fucking delay my pay.. He can drag by pay till half of the month then give me.. bullshit..

Alrite, all the things is not the point i am saying, the point is this sat i which is tmr, i going to a job which need me to wake up at 5.30.. What the hell right.. i sure sleep at 2 or as early as 1am.. Anyway the job is well, good pay, but there's a few ppl that going to work tmr tt will make the job hard to work.. I know i just do my stuff dont care them it will be fine, but its sure difficult.. A job, sure have times to see face to face.. Anyway, i will put it behind me and just put on a friendly mask to live on.. I dont know why i always compromise others but i dont get any return.. i feel stupid.. Just like my ah, i always let her let her in the end she just wanna demand more.. should i be a bad kid? Or get bullied always.. maybe i am just too kind hearted or maybe i just not suitable for being bad..

anyway, karma will fight back..

console or true? Good Luck Have Fun.

2007-07-05T23:52:00.000+08:00

i am dead.

2007-06-21T10:59:00.000+08:00

So bored.

3 days in Hong Kong but technically is 1 day.

First lousy day.

Board plane about 11 reach there bout 3. Spend a long ride tooking the airport express. Then another long ride in mtr (mrt in hong kong) to the hotel. Still must walk a long way. Then reach the hotel, discover that my papa registered the name wrongly. He registered in his name but end up is my mama's. So stupid. Waste bout half an hour there. Every second is money. They free us a membership as the hotel is having maintenance like we have the time to use it. Check in, placed luggage and off we go. Went over to Tsim Sha Tui cut my hair. Cant find my regular shop. So went to a new one. So full with people. And they kept talking to me in cantonese, i dont even know how to answer them. So i just kept saying "sorry i dont understand you" and they all like "hong kong people still dont know how to speak". My papa was getting his hair cut too and my hairdresser ask my papa why i dont know how to speak. My papa say i study at overseas. Stupid sia. Then later we went to eat what seafood. Waste of my time, totally throw into the sea. Went there eat crab, prawns, vegetables, la-la, scallops. If anybody love to eat chilli can forget bout it in hong kong, cus it cost money. 1 small plate think is 2bucks. There we waste a day. Went back to hotel, drink wine eat chocolate and poom, sleep.

Second tired day.

8am, parents wake me up. Prepared and when to eat the 'free' buffet. Oh, so not worth it. They give us the coupon for free as for the maintenance shit. But who cares bout that as most of the day we will be at outside. This buffet doesnt have much food. Pastry, bread, bacon, fruit, porridge. I dont know whether it is buffet or not, as the variety is less than the quantity. Nobody is eating much over there. So we went to pray at the most famous Wang Tai Xian Temple. After that went to eat dim sum. Stupid mama kept say wanna eat steam rice, then ask me to share with her. She only eat abit, rest i eat and it cover up my whole stomach. After that yes, went over to edison shop. Disappointment, no sales at all. Price starts from 200 sing dollars. Idiot, no wonder open at those mansion and there's totally nobody in the shop. Ok, then went over to other place to shop. Shop till my legs almost detached from my body. Went to a small cafe eat our lunch/dinner. I eat the wanton mee and it taste like crap. The taste is like prawn, fresh prawn taste. Like ee. Ok, then we continue to torture our legs. Then reach this pasar malam like place, they call it girls street. Bought my favourite smelly tofu. Not nice at all. My mama bought the pig intestine and its a cold dish and it taste so fresh. Still have the shit taste. So fuck, she eat a piece and ask me eat all. We walk and saw there's ppl selling roti prata. So odd and the stupid indian still speak cantonese. More slang than mine. Still we kept torturing our legs, i dont know why we hate them so much. Till a point that we discover our legs is try to break, we went to a steamboat restaurant and eat. That's all for the day. Oh ya, i bought the pineapple vodka over there. It taste so nice. Dont know they will be that nice.

Third Short Day.

So short that i find my hair is longer than the day. Wake up early in the morning, bout 7. Went straight to the airport, check in our luggage. We then went inside the airport to do last minute shopping. My mama still left 2000 HK dollars. idiot sia. Then went to buy a gold watch and kept say very nice. We went to eat the airport dim sum, fast game then quickly board the plane. Oh by the way, the lunch always serve ice cream. So fucking nice. and worth it. That's all. It's so short.

Yesterday.

Went to amk. Wow so nice sia, the hub. After that, it's shocking.

"i know, due to circumstances it's shorter than the third short day."

2007-06-05T00:17:00.001+08:00

Nobody actually care bringing my problems away while others just bring problems to me. You are the only 1 that i love yet i discover that i am not worth more than your idol. Who the fuck should i turn to. I'm left alone with myself facing all the difficulties. It's ok, i'm lonely anyway and kind of get used. Anyway if i'm not that important, then you shouldn't tell me i'm irreplacable or make any promises.

As disappointment forms into tears
I return to my loney years

Maybe eugene tan is the guy that must suffer lots of problems, bullied, lonely, have nobody to dry his tears, sad. Anyway, what the hell. I've been living it till now. I'm immune.

2007-06-03T01:49:00.000+08:00

Dear Answers,

can you answer me when will i have a normal and happy day?

I've been longing for that.

Disguise.

I put it on whenever i leave the house. Or i dont even have a house. Who can i lose my emotion to? Who will actually sit down listen to me n letting me flush out my emotion. Im not a problem free person, i am not a normal person either. I suffer bitterly in this family shit. Who's right who's wrong who's lying who's denying i dont even know. Quarrels fights cries what else i have not experience. I aint a happy go lucky person. I just pretend. Or i didnt. But who give a fuck anyway. I always joke i always laugh i always talk cock i always not serious but that just my 'outlook'. Inside me is cold and pessimistic. I think im growing alot more to pessimistic. Cause, when you look highly upon to a person, if they disappoint you, there's nothing you can hope for. I trust him, yet he make mistake over and over again. And i really hate her from not listening to my advice and make things uglier than before. What happens after that? Both will act busy, not eating and do alot of stupid shit. This time is more fucking worst. Came a pest. It totally add shit to the whole situation. Using her fucked up theory just going to make method worst. And i began to hate home, began to stay out as much as possible. There's nothing in the house i worth looking forward to. Everytime i step inside, i will start to hate my grandma first. Its automatic. follow on will be the quarrel that i hate to hear. Suddenly my life has begin to went down the hill. I am always treating my friend better i am always wrong i am always not attentive. And i am not. I have make alot of sacrifices. But you just never know and never feel that. Maybe nobody will satisfy in what i do. How i just i could at least get some praises cause i am those person that always look forward to it. SAD.

What should i do?
Who should i look for?
Who should be consoling me?

2007-05-25T01:21:00.000+08:00

Wrong.

Felt like im the bitch of the day. Everybody talk to me seems to hate me. What did i do to deserve this. I need some time to be alone. Jus myself will do. Nobody else but me. Maybe i should quarratine myself and hope i wont hurt anyone unkowningly.

I dont deserve to suffer like this. But who can i turn to except myself. Nobody seems to know me. Nobody seems to give in to me. 1 show me attitude, the other talk about somethings that i cant satisfy her. I get 80 a day, i spend the most 20 for my self and the other 60 is all on her. i never save a single cent. Even i work, my money will be gone. For her. If anybody see my stuff, they will just laugh. My bag is broken, i take another bag. That one is damn tagged and torn, but it's ok. My wallet, i've been saying for ages, but it's ok. My clothes, all repeated, no money buy new one, it's ok. My mp3 player, it's ok now i got n91. My shaving kit, i dont even own 1, have to borrow from my papa and sometimes if i wake up late. Ho sey(Great), i no need to shave cause thanks to my grandma, my mama start to lock doors.

I really wanna buy alot of things, but i'm just restricted. Even i'm hungry, i have to scrimp and save, calculate everything i buy. Sometimes i really hungry till i almost collaspe, i always try to tolerate. 1 can slim down, 2 can save money. Please somebody tell me what else can i still do. Now i got attachment, i cant work. If not i will always friday go work as flyers. Tell me how? I'm tight. Real tight.

Im so bothered, i cant even sleep.
I really hope that just anybody would give in to me and just treat me slightly better.

walking zombie to work.
sure thing tomorrow.

2007-05-04T00:38:00.000+08:00

Wit's End

Who has actually listen to what i want? Who actually know what i want? Who actually understand what i seek? Is not i did not say, i say but nobody care.

Turn to blog cause i cant sleep. Never been sleeping since start of the week. Life has been going down day by day. I really could not take it. I have been tolerate for this whole week. Everytime i kept thinking tomorrow will be a better day but it end up worst. Think this is the down period of my life for this year. I really need to vent my anger at somewhere. But where to vent? All i can vent is myself. Without hurting others, its by torturing myself. In this way i will get distracted and anger will leave quietly off. This is my style of successfully clear my anger. Its not advisable but it perfectly work out. I love you forever and ever 1 and only. I never doubt your love or not trusting you, i just feel not secured. I just need something i can cling on so tightly and give me the confidence i need. I need something that will switch my focus to something that is optimistic.

I'm really tired. I'm worn out.
I cant take it anymore or again.
Cry myself to sleep
Cry myself to dream.

I only want you for all my life.
Serious.

2007-04-20T16:53:00.001+08:00

Yes, at last i learn how to ride bike.

WOW. Saturday BBQ.

Well, william and i spend the most on tis outing. but watever, its the past anyway. The pit is so fucking long. and this stupid jun hao ask me to go mac eat first then move on to the pit. ok, nvm.. i go cus i abit hungry tt time. then i full for the whole shit.. i ate a few otah a few hot dogs a few sausage a satay stick. Is A SATAY STICK. what the fuck. and this stupid danny ask me go burger king chill.. we cycle to there and as he a stupid shit, he rent for 14bucks overnite for us, we only rent bout 8.. only this william wanna couple with me then 15.. so go chill, come back food about to finish.. walk around, cycle some more with danny.. go chalet see around.. then got a chalet all caucasian. What the fuck, like clubbing, and this fucking danny wanna try something like sneaking in to get free grinding.. ok, got spotted, retrace our steps and head back to the pit.. no food again.. nvm.. then play games, i was the one cooking.. ok, no food again.. then nvm.. they still playing.. then my gf call me.. go somewhere dark and deserted chat.. they fucking cooking lor.. after finish chat, wah, cb.. go nite cycling liao.. OK, i was doing nth throughout the journey.. go bedok eat prata.. along the journey, thanks to ghost rider, we have the most extreme ride.. nearly tio bang, nearly tio crash, nearly tio overturn..

when back to east coast, i change with teck sun, then i paddle till my two legs is not mine anymore.. go bedok jetty, go changi end. what the fuck. then in between got kp by a caucasian bitch pointing middle finger at me. there's ppl block my way so i hav no choice but to "borrow" a little space of the pedestrain.. then cb point at me lor.. tt almost ruin my day.. if i ever see her again, i make sure her finger will be stuck in every holes she have.. ok, then cycle like a dog to go back the shop as to return the bike.. chill at burger king again.. my marinate chicken should be not nice and left some drumstick n its start to rot like a dead rat inside.. so smelly shit.. then head back home, do housework some more.. then sleep..

abit of my personal thoughts..

girls are sensitive creature that guys should often try their very best to avoid contact with opposite sex.. if guys already try so hard but still hav a slight contact, girls r like tiger.. they pounce on u n show u their proffessional way of quarreling.. sometimes is the opposite sex interest in the guy but the guy is as faithful as the pen cap forever will stick with the pen unless u cb dont treasure then lost it..

I love u forever n ever (note this) 1 and only lim mei wern.

2007-04-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

Listening to linkin park new songs. They like changing to a soft rock band. Changes is good i perhaps, maybe like me. LOL.

Refresh.

Wet Nurse Day.

No meaning for this sentence, jus find it ryhme. LOL. Went to skool for sup paper. WOW, the paper was fucking easy n i guess i score pretty well. Anyway, i pass for the paper. Cause its only a pass. Fuck up, if not, i think i will get an A or what. Blame on my laziness for the main thing. Then went to badminton with william and friends. Tiring, my hand became worthless after that. Really strain to jus to whack a racket for a long time, its light but after a long time, it weight like an elephant. Then went off to business skool to eat. Bluff william and anson saying that the western food suck like hell. LOL. Then chill at library, cb william really can sleep. Fat like a cow. Boo.

Fried Day.

Do completely nothing at home. Just went to changi village to eat seafood. 3 person for 60bucks. Its quite cheap. Ate small crabs, La La(mussle like thing), Praying Mantis Prawn, Kang Kong, Fried TouFu, Stingray. LOL. The food is not bad, when it comes to steam, those seafood taste really fresh but fresh till i dont like the feeling.

Said The Day

Outing. Sentosa. No swimming. Eat Carl's Jr. Very Nice. Cool. Learn Cycling. Nearly die. Wonderful day. Need to have more. Maybe next time is I plan. LOL.

Son Day

Meet dear to Marina Square. Forever dating place. Not sure why but you can find me everytime with her over there. Do nothing, arcade eat still eat still arcade. LOL. Not bad for the arcade, learn how to play tennis, got to take on the king at KOF '02, play semi-finals at soccer, sign off at the remember the girls clothes game. First time get to leave name on those machine.

I wanna get a work.
Home bound with no cash
is boring.
till im dying
need help here.
Please God shine on me..

2007-03-26T14:23:00.000+08:00

Enough.

I'm having enough of this bullshit. There's a saying jia you yi lao ru you yi bao. I think the person probably eat shit for breakfast. What the fuck is the meaning of that? I am sick of the lao in my home. By the way, i am the only child. I should have lots of freedom than any kids who have bro n sis. BUT NO. There's this lao, come stop me. Come cage me, Come tie me, Come guard me. I go where, she will go where. I sit down rest, here comes the nonsense conversation. When i say the MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT THING AND ITS DAMN RIGHT, IT'S JUST RIGHT, I DONT CARE WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK IT'S WRONG, IT'S THE RIGHTEOUS RIGHT THING, she will say i oppose her or what the fuck that its not related. And she bug me to mop the floor, i mop, in a blink of an eye time, just a blink, REALLY, JUST 1 BLINK ONLY, she pick up the mop, and mop the floor again. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD SHE'S LIVING IN? WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE EVER THINKING? SHE CAN BUG ME TILL I ALMOST BREAK HER NECK, AND LATER ON, SHE MOP THE FLOOR AGAIN. IT'S FUCKING DRIVE ME CRAZY. MONEY, I NEED MONEY, COME TOTO, COME 4D, COME HIGH PAY JOB, COME AND LOOK FOR ME. I WANNA MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE OR IS MOVE OUT OF HER VIEW. DAMN IT. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

MIGHTY GOD,
GIVE ME THE POWER,
TO WIN MY FREEDOM BACK,
I AM ON THE VERGE OF BECOMING HULK.

2007-03-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

Why.

Why there is so much things that doesnt go what i want today?

First thing first. My dear, why you wear till so exposed. You should know what's the area you are working and some more its a job interview. Please, No More Le Ok? I dont like those guys kept seeing you like the eyes almost drop out and mouth opening wide along with waterfall of saliva. I am not being uptight but till the day when you are ready, then i let you wear, no problem. Ok?

Secondly, why are you doing this to me? Even you are my kin, yet still got this thing as backstab you know. I know i am not being healthy to sleeping so late but what the fuck. Need to backstab ma? Secretly tell my papa say i sleep late and when i come to the table she was shocked with a stunned look. Then who dunno the next thing will be my papa saying me. Still pretend at there say, "dont say him la". I am not your audience and i am not your fans. I dont need you to act or perform your whatever things you are trying to do. Better eat with a small mouth then to open wide to talk behind backs. BOOO YOU FOR YOUR WRONGDOING. Also i'm having enough of your nonsense. I dunno what to say but i hope you know what you are doing.

Thirdly, the more i see my papa the more i feel that money is the best when you earn it yourself. Having to rely on people cant get you far. It's truth, and after my supp paper and hopefully i can really pass cus i really putting lots of effort, i go find a job and earn lots of money as fast as possible. I just got too many things to buy. And if getting your money is so difficult, i rather you keep it to yourself and spend on yourself to make everybody feel better.

Dog eat Dog World happen anywhere.

2007-03-14T19:20:00.000+08:00

Another.

It's another week of misfortune. I had enough I had worn-out. Things have not been good for me, maybe there's a reason. I feel useless and worthless at home. I dont wanna stay at home, its like there's no reason for me to stay. I wanna work, i wanna study, i wanna spend as much time as possible outside. Life at home is much worst than a dog eat dog world outside.

What worst than a non-stop nags. Its like a 7-11 nag store open at home. Even i'm sleeping, 8+am, must wake me up and tell me "I went out. You clean the house. What time your mama go out, remember to clean house." I never always get to sleep enough with a person around like this. I cant have a quiet time, everytime come in my room and nag nag nag, gossip gossip, talk talk talk, i really have enough.. Talk can, but kept repeating the same thing keeps me fed up. Some more, tell her to do things, she wont listen and later on leads to quarrel. Then say not her fault not her mistake nothing wrong. Is it old people tends to be this way? Therefore i never ever show my frustration.

Monday. Meet tommy and yanda and wee. So long sia. So long to have the 3 of us tog with yanda. But yanda go meet his kuku girl after 1 hour. Went over to wee house to bath then talk then go tiong bahru plaza cause he dont wanna spend money. We have a budget outing, just sit talk and home. Tommy doesnt look like last time, as in, he's more hip hop and always looking at his watch to get home early. Wee, he change to a carefully money spender. Doesnt look like what he used to be. So does me. Anyway, we end early so didnt really enjoy to the fullest. And fuck tommy, always so last minute.

Tuesday. Meet meiwern. What's there to be say. Is it every month of a week there will be mood swing? But its really too much of a mood swing. Its really hard for me to accept it. I already try but maybe for that day i got too much in my head. Thumbdrive, not enough sleep and so on. What's wrong with me. I am sorry dear, i am sorry for not understanding. Its my bad.

Today. Results cuts my mood into pieces. Im sorry. I wanna be alone. But i cant. Constantly there will be a person that follows me like my shadow around this house and talk and talk. Its driving me nuts and i am really tolerating towards my limit. But what can i say, its not her fault to live with us. I cant blame her. My life is like a tumour to me. Its getting worst after each day. What's happening. What have i done. I really wanna pause and take a break.

The worst happen
and its so sudden
It came un-prepare
right now i am despair.

2007-03-13T05:22:00.000+08:00

All because of money.

working from 8 of march till 11 of march. Stupid IT fair. Damn no life and no good food over there. What can i say. It's free anyway. Stand from 11am onwards till 10pm. Stupid customer, so stupid till cannot read the poster say till 9pm, still mus dilly dally at the fair choosing here and there. Stand whole day, talk whole day, tired whole day. Persuade and persuade customer to buy the stupid laser printer. How to sell you tell me. Mostly come here to buy is for home use and laserjet is for offices or schools. Seldom people will buy and not really sellable. But still have to keep try and try. Damn it, Yanda get a pretty nice job selling ink cartridge. No need to promote no need to waste saliva, just customer kept coming and the commission just kept pouring in.

The job is quite flexible in terms like break you can set it yourself but you wont bear to do so. When you going for break, you will straight away consider will the customer come back and find you or will there still be customer coming to buy it. By the time you finish considering, the rice has turn cold, the fries is so soft, the tofu turns bad. First day the food still ok, then later day, got burger king. But is fucking beef', how can i eat. Cant help, stomach hungry have to eat. Then following day, the food turn bad lor. Sian, then last day, not enough food. But lucky manage to get a curry puff and a box of nasi lemak. Lol. Real sad.

I hope my commission will be alot. Have to persuade customer to buy is painstalking. They always use their favourite line, "i will come back later." what's this? being kind or? so stupid. if you not buying, then say not buying. Dont waste my potential got customer to buy time to wait for you to come back. But there's something worst in IT show. Is to pushing pram inside here. I dunno what's wrong with them. So squeezy still wanna bring their kids to the fair then jam the whole traffic. The job not bad, i get to know a TP student and he quite a good person. He always kept motivate me to get more customer as i tend to slack after i sell 10 sets. LOL.

Sad time.

I really get confused of what you want and what you need. I can give i already give, for those i never give enough, i already try hard to give you. Why is it not enough. Its not wrong to ask for more but.... Nvm, its hard to explain right now.

and its 5.53am. Couldnt sleep and stay up till now. Pain in my chest hurt in my heart. I am troubled i am sad. I'm so tired right now. Continue at next time.

2007-03-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

Blame.

Who should be blame? A person that started and causing the trouble. Or should be a person that love to nag and nag and comment 'bout someone's action. Or should be a disrespectful and treated someone badly? Who's at fault? I dont know the answer 'cause it just leads 1 thing to another.

Anyway, being selfish is the worst thing in the world that a person should do. All you care is about yourself. And all the people living in this world have to abide your orders just the way you like it. I hate that. I hate to be living in the world of rules. I rather it should be bending the rules according to the situation. Some people just dont understand that due to the situation, what's the best choice. This is what selfish people are, they wont put themselves in your shoes and just blaming you for what you have done. BULLSHIT DICKHEADS.

Well, here's the reply for the complaint letter i wrote. Thanks to OrgCom. It did helps me in my life.

Our Ref:
2007/Feb/0681
Toll-free:
1800-287 2727
Mainline:
6284-8866
Fax:
6282-5204
Website:

6 March 2007
Mr Eugene Tan

Dear Mr Tan
Please refer to your feedback regarding Service 34.
2 We are sorry to learn of the inconvenience caused while waiting for this service.
3 The Manager has noted your concern on the frequency of the service and is monitoring the situation closely. Rest assured that, where it is within our control, we will ensure that buses arrive at regular intervals.
4 Bus captains have also been reminded to try their best to adhere strictly to their time schedules to ensure service reliability.
5 Thank you for your feedback.
Yours sincerely
Andrew Tan
for Deputy Director
Corporate Communications
SBS Transit Ltd

Bitter Taste.

2007-03-04T17:12:00.000+08:00

First post of new skin.

Doesnt know if its gd to have a gd start or bad start.. Whatever..

Sometimes, a person can change a life of 3. Yes, i am saying my papa. Due to some reason, my ah ma have to sell her flat and move over here with us. Well, he gain most of the advantages but not us. This is bullshit. I never feel how life is so rotten to be staying home and face endless nags or complains. Its just keep bothering me. You may say that, hey, she's old and you should give in. I tell you that i already give up long ago. So 1 came in, 2 headache. My mama, well, she's couldnt take it anymore. Wars have been raging since the day my ah ma came in. So, im the hostage. One of them pull me in, i have no choice but to give up. I have no weapons (which is money cus now i have to study) so that's not my war. And my papa, well, he dont even care. As long as staying out late and came back sleep. that's all. How a simple life. I now trying to get a job to escape this house as long as i can. My freedom has turn to ash in a blink of an eye.

Isnt love is accepting the past of someone. Why is it so hard for my gf to give up saying 'bout my past. I admit i made alot of wrong judgements, mistakes, moves, but right now, i am true to her. Isnt that enough? I really hate it when i heard that my past matter to her i mean, that's the past right. Look, before we get together, we have freedom of choices. You can swear that you choose me when you start know me? No right. You was actually indulge in another guy. But me, i jus dunno whether i should carry on or what. I know in between the duration, i did make a dick out of myself but what's done is done and it doesnt matter anymore. Cus right now, you with me, i with you, nothing gonna tore us apart. I am sorry as i undergoing a huge change in my lifestyle and my mood will be shaky as i havent adapt to it. Forgive me for this few days. After i get a job, i guess things will go much smoother.

How to save my life?

2007-02-12T09:34:00.000+08:00

EscapE.

Couldnt wake up. Feeling so heavy and kept fall back to sleep. Finally woke up and its already late. But i still can make it, then its just that the feeling is so sian. Probably is the aftermath of yesterday. Nobody to blame but me. My heart or should i say i dont have a heart. I am heartless. Yea, tt's what i am. Sad to say sad to talk. Sad to do anything. Sad to the extreme sad to the merisable. Never expected that i fail as what i am in your eyes. I still thought that i am a guy that you always say you could hang on to, but i realise all those praises are lies. I really never going to be what i am i meant to be. Failures overcome my success and that just make me a loser of lovers. What the fuck have i become, sometimes i surprised myself.

Why must you compare
do you really think its unfair?
How can love be fare
i am hurt, do you really care?

2007-02-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

Re-vised.

just finish reading a post that cast a avalanche in my heart. what the hell. why past cant be buried and burn away? Does it really have to follow u to the rest of ur life? everybody have past, who dont? dont u have one too? the one u really love, those that love u? should i be compare to them too? I tried not to talk about it but what's the point of discover and "oh everybody is unhappy". Sometimes things that u have seen is not what u think. Onlookers will only have the cover of the situation and cover are always nice. and people change thru experience.

i used to be a consultant. People come to me problems, i will swee swee help them solve it. Any problems in this world, i can solve, i can console, i can do lots of things. But sometimes, life changes. I start to notice i cant solve my problem myself, its terrible. I start to cry, i start to learn to look things pessimistic. WHY? i fail, my family members fail, my love life fail, my frens fail too. i change, i admit i change. i change to disappoint ppl rather than i get disappointed, i rather do hurtful things before they can do it to me. i start to build tis kind of actions and its not something i can control. all the while i have not met a person like u.

the person like u i cherish. the person like u i adore so much. but it really hurts when u say y my past gets more than u why my past gets better than u. the fact is it did not happen. as i say onlookers may have only see the outlook of it, what's inside, is not said. u must understand me too, as my experiences is different from urs. u must understand i will do things somehow different of what u expected. but i already working hard to it. i really do. u mite not see it cus i dont do things infront of ppl, i do it silently. im not those tt like to get praise neither do i like critise. u may find me in different in last time, whatever is good or bad, its me. people change from time to time and im really changing myself to adapt this relationship.

you should have trust me. you should have see me working hard. please dont be sad. i dont like you to be tt way. i really working hard, when u say not enough i work again. but doesnt i should deserve a break for working so hard? sometimes u also have to treat me the way i should be treated. u should learn how to spare thots of me too. both of us have to work hard to build this relationship. we all have faults, u also always ask me wat u should do or wat. isnt tt not sincere already? there's somethings u should change too, just like me. we both have a part to play.

if u said that she's irreplacable, who i am holding hands with?

(please dont say things kind of hurtful things when im only true to u)

what's more than those times we have in the present. the fact is i love u forever and ever 1 and only. remember that. and i really wanna make u enjoy in this relationship. believe me ok?

love is not measure by weighing machine.
love is not measure by a ruler.
love is not measure by comparison.
love is measure by how truth i am to u.

and i can swear, i love u and give a lots more than what i did in the past.

2007-02-08T00:18:00.000+08:00

Today is a really damn lousy day.

I went to school for pizza only and this is so bloody gian beng attitude. I intend to go lecture but this bus 34 wasted my time and delay my time to school. so i already write up a feedback form to the sbs n hope i could get a reply soon or change the frequency of the bus. and 27 really sucks ok.. forever n ever alot of people..

this is my feedback.

"I am a poly student from temasek that live in the Punggol area. Due to the limitations of the buses, i have to rely on the bus 34 as it is the fastest and only way to tampines where i can conveniently change buses. But today, 07/02/2007,at around 9.55 am i have to wait for over 30 minutes for the bus to arrive till i gave up and went to sengkang to took bus 27 to school. This is not the first time as there was a day i waited for over 1 hours for the bus to came to tampines so i can reach home. The frequency of the bus 34 is really important to me as it matters the attendance of my course. I really hope that this matter will be taken seriously as i noticed a few students have been experienced the same situation. Thank you. "

i know i should write a lot of students.. shit.. but i hope it still can have power.. hahahaha..

sometimes we should set a gd example. i love you so so much dear.. i hope u will stop saying u learn from me, i really hated it.. i feel sad.. and i know i need some anger management and i hope u know that it needs time.. but whatever it is, i still love u forever n ever never change.. stop saying my blog is not updated.. is i cant do so ok?

Fake shark-fin soup
attract cat to the stool
run away and enjoy it with the spoon
asking where is the new yr goodies by a fool.

THAT'S THE LIFE AT HOUGANG.

2007-02-02T17:00:00.000+08:00

Today,

what should i say or shouldnt i say anything. Just something i said will turn out to be tradegy.

Maybe i am a guy that always expect things. Expect that you will know, expect that things will turn out to be easy. but i am wrong. I am sorry william, that i did not told you all the tips that i heard from my friends.

I am sorry dear.. but i dint know how trust can be so fragile.. dont u always say trust u? y cant you trust me? sometimes i really dont understand y u can do all the things but i cant. u said u can be trustworthy, but can i be it too? if u say i dint told u they were coming, but shouldnt u hear my side of explanations? sometimes u with other guys, but dint tell me.. when i saw, yes, i feel bit unhappy, but after awhile i dint even wanna confront u. that time i saw u and ur frens and kenneth.. did u tell me bout it? u do project with a guy, did u ever tell me bout it? i already trust u, cant u do it vice versa. i seldom meet any girls, i seldom even go out with them. i hope u really would understand. it mean nothing at all.

it all's come in a sudden
i am stick with a bad omen.

2007-01-07T21:23:00.001+08:00

Girls.

Do they always so sensitive about stuff? like my mama, abit angry, abit cannot, fussy. Forever wont happy. Alittle thing also must kp. Sometimes even worst. and also to all other girls. I know its unfair to say this but also must spare a thought to the person around.

Me.

Why do all my friends say i am not fun as last time? My gf changes me changes my style changes my everything? I dont know. I not sure. If i am what i am now, maybe i am ready to settle down. Should i remain just like this or just like a kid playing around, fooling around? i not sure. I still fun now, arent i? Searching for myself and analyze.

Today.

I heard a news that shocked me. Never will i know and imagine. IT's SHOCKING. Somehow i dont feel relate to it anymore.

I wanna change this song. Promiscuous is so outdated and i cant even spell rite. Bullshit.

All American Rejects. ENJOY.

we all regret
things we should not do
we all forget
things we should avoid do
we all neglect
things we should never do

STOP AND THINK. What The Hell Are You Saying.

2006-12-31T21:01:00.000+08:00

Good bye 2006.

Hais, super sway tio evicted. First time in my life i got this kind of shit. sad.

SO whatever. i did have a great time ytd. hahaha, chilling out with friends is quite a nice thing to pass time. oh man, its going to reach 2007. i feel old and i can just start to countdown my birthday.

Night at the museum is a best show i ever watch. oh man, its so funny and everything is so what the hell. hahaha. its a gd show, its worth the money as you might think, what the hell, comedy for 6.50 at least. its fresh, as the idea is nv see it before. as i really die die must watch. hahaha..

my new year resolution.

Study hard.
Earn money or save money.
Last and the most important thing: Slim down.

oh, still always be happy for the 2 of us. hahaha..

life can be good
life can be bad
happiness cant depend by mood
but depend by mind set.

2006-12-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

I am Troubled. I really dont know what she wants. i really had enough. i did follow advice, i did what i should, why she still have to treat me like this. hais.

I waited for so many days, finally she's back home. but the first thing she said was going for her class bbq. What the fuck rite? who wont feel fuck when something happen like this. seriously this really makes me sad rather than fuck. Nvm, i did what i did, i didnt hide the pain i did voice it out. but its not like i saying this to let u say to meet me rather than going. but is just to let u know. why must i always need to spell it out for u then u know. in fact i already no mood to go out at all since what u said at first. ok, then i already give in. what she want i do. and i just went to the party, is tt wrong? i mean, there's nothing rite, what's wrong. she say me its ok, i take it already.

then i just joke this guy that guy, and what happens, she angry me. why? cause she had enough of anger at home then she nv told me i wont cast tis joke rite? then call me small gas ghost. what the fuck i did? she should tell me problems what, aint couples should be open to each other. i already did my part, where's hers? then talk bout nasty things. then what you do to pamper me? its been already so long, have you really take a photo with me? always fren say this u do, sounds familiar? ya rite, u say me before but now who's doing it? i really work hard now, for who? for myself? for my family? not even a cent. rite now i only spend 11.50 for 4 fucking days. and y cant i survive without work. but no, i still have to feed her. so how to i get extra cash? work of course. and what i get, quarrel. i already suffer lots of shit in job, i take it bitterly. but why u still treat me like this? why? what happen to this relationship.

what past is in the past. right now, my heart belongs to you. if you wanna dig it out to prove what i said, then go ahead. i wont fudge. i only ask for friendship, i hope you understand. everything else, i only love you. i being honest, i never even lie. isnt being this is a criteria of a perfect guy? i am so tired. i trust u but can u trust me?

it easier to said then done
it easier to cry then smile
it easier to believe then explain

i just want you to be with me at least im asking for this lifetime,
i love you lim mei wern forever and ever 1 and only dear.
be my love?

2006-12-20T23:36:00.000+08:00

oh man,

now people are talking bout policy about investment about money. savings, what the hell.. since when did this word cross my mind. i spend all i get. i always think that money can always earn back, so i should spend on what i think its rite and reward myself. but now i see myself reaching 21 and someone wake me up by saying "hey where's your saving?" thanks for the advice you gave me and i really need to plan. my ah bei also rushing me to get a joint account, so i must have some money in it or else pai seh sia.. wahahaha.. also another gd advice i mus be grateful i have to change my "si lang kuan" as in bad habit in hokkien, i fond of saying tt. hahaha. always make people frustrated to be with me. ah, must change. there r so much things i need to change and i really need to change my belly la. 1 or more years to army, my belly still look like a punching bag, so pai seh everytime i sit down. wahhahaha, ok, come my self-discipline, i must really work hard.

i hope i could work my ass off right now, what stress what difficulty i must fight them. fight them all. i am king of the kings, this kind of small things wont hurt me. "self-hypnotise, dont care me" anyway, survive in this reality world, needs money. so i must tolerate and pressure is success. something like what "ya li is tui dong li". then heard my mama job sucks, no double pay during holiday, boo. somemore dont know why mamas love to hao lian bout son's results saying her collegue son got 6pts in 'n' lvl. LOL. my mama ask me how much i get i say 6 and i feel bit pai seh cus i see 3pts in my skool last time. hahaha.

sian. this stupid job i really have to bite my teeth and survive another 6 days. i hope i will step up alittle and be pro-active.

cheer me up.
smack the problems away.

ah bei coming home soon, yippie.
i miss you so so much.

2006-12-19T11:41:00.000+08:00

work is so tough everytime.

now they said christmas eve must finish at 1.. i not sure if its 1am or pm, i hope is pm if 1am then is damn shit.. hais, i really dont like the job but everything is for money.. looking on all the things i like, i have to think twice cus i have 1 more mouth to feed.. who ask guys have to be the breadwinner of the family..

All American Rejects- It Ends Tonight [nice song]

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such distain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this eveningI give the final blow.

[Chorus]When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

who would
kiss me in the forehead and say i will succeed.
hug me tightly saying i will pamper you.
make me smile in the things she will do.
listen to my problems and tell me i can fix it.
hold my hands and look at me as if im protected.

how i wish someone i love will do that.
lost alone in this cruel world.

2006-12-17T02:02:00.001+08:00

Now's actually 17/12/'06 at 2.12am.
couldnt sleep, dont know why.

16/12/'06

The darkest date of my life. It's terrible.

At first went to work without having breakfast nor lunch. Its ok, dun feel much of anything. reach there, first thing piss me off after knowing that im just a substitute. i hate the feeling of being it. nvm, everything still went well on work. This 2 aunties are sister and they treat me drink wine. ok, nice experience. oh, by the way im working as a heineken promoter. which is sucks actually.. after dinner was different.. first, quarrel with meiwern, then start to get worst which turns out to get lectured by the officer. saying im not pro-active nore enthusiam or whatever. i just not sure why i dont have any energy to work on the day itself. then quarrel with the lazy giant staff. childish old man, hope he snaps his old bones 1 day for bullying me. nearly lost my pass which will cost me 30bucks, and luckily good people do get some reward as i found it later on at my counter.

she's going off to malaysia. i aint happy at all. im hurt. im sad. depressed. nobody to talk to now. cry all the way to home. long ride, full of tears.

Hais, just for 1hr $6.50. i have to suffer more than the salary. what kind of fucked up job anyway. but i need it. its hard earned money. seriously.. i stand for so long hours, 12-9 and have to absorb angers.. how i wish i could quit the job. but really cant. im broke, my savings are depleting. my expenses is getting larger and bigger. what can i say, i got a girlfriend and i am not rich nor poor. but my pocket money is really just enough for myself, though i had quit smoking, but the 10bucks is still gone.. i just dont understand why she doing things to me sometimes.

i work really damn hard. its not for myself, but for her. why cant she pamper me for the sufferings i had. i dont like to work, but i have to feed her. now, i have to meet her everyday. every single day during school. once meet her, spend money. its not then i dont wanna meet her is i just wanna save some money to buy my bus concession.. its 52bucks and i have to fucking pay myself. and its not im a spendthrift, i always schrimp and safe just for her and to give her good food. if not, she will compare me with this and that and complain. im really tired of the job, i really wanna quit but what can i do? but the biggest problem is why she doesnt wanna pamper me. doesnt i should at least get a reward or something? hais, its sadenning to find out everything you do is a must for someone else.

sometimes she can do whatever she like but i cant. its so unreasonable and unfair. i feel sad. if she make me angry she will say forget and move on. just like today, she told me that time is limited and not to sad. she going to malaysia and i must be happy so she wont feel xing ku(pain). what a stupid excuse. i totally feel so sad. its like everything is you and where's me? do i actually belong or visible to you? hais. sad. somemore always give me stupid excuse at things she do. i just cant take it and get frustrated therefore things start to get worst.

i am sad. so sad.
drown and drunk myself.
i still got so much pain inside but i guess i still have to work my ass off tmr.
its late, 2.26am.
good nite.

2006-12-03T16:21:00.000+08:00

This time i letting all come out.

This time i stand up and shout.

I do things my way,

its my way all the highway.

Its so fucked up to have those things that i ask for a million times and i dont get one. And others just ask for it and get it straight away. what the fuck are you people thinking. Isnt the one that is pursuing gets the motherfucking priority? or does you have any fucking sympathy on my consistent and just grant my wish. but no, what the fuck you do just insert me with a fucking excuse that now fuck my whole mood up. you fuck me again. constant fucking me towards the next year. what the fuck i do to have this fucked up things attached to my life. everyday i kept fighting with fucks that tearing up my mood, my life, myself. i had enough fucks for today for this week, for this month, for this fucking year. oh, what the fuck. i fuck care everything now. its fucking makes me numb. what i ever i ask for, fuck it. i dont even need a fuck anymore. why am i such a fuck mood now, i dont know i dont know what the fuck happen to you. why you doing this to fuck me again. im fucking tired. so fucking tired. im pushing to the edge of the fucking cliff. push me fucking down and just let me die.

hey, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

2006-12-01T19:26:00.000+08:00

Friday,

stuck home, singing along with my limp bizkit tracks man. awesome band.

heavy rain. wash away my mood of the day. everything went quite well in the morning. never late for my class, people offer to do projects with me. not bad actually. then no teacher for my make up test that my fren was saying. went to library with kahmeng and watch soccer. met william and went to grandlink. play for sometime then went to bugis discover shit has injected to my life. ok, i heard wrongly the interview place was at shaw tower or the person just dint talk properly at all. then another poor communication with mei wern that went hay wired. and everything else i just keep it to myself. no use or there's no need to say it out.

sometimes i ask myself. what's better, to care or fuck care? fuck care is of course better as in no quarrel and will be happier. but tis will make me prepare for her to leave me and will only get used to life without love. to care, there will be quarrel and each of us just wont be happy. dont ask me to balance or what, i just cant. it wasnt my decision of letting you go, it was your decision all along. but i will know what to do and wont put you in difficult spot. and as for me, i just feel that less quarrel will be better and to see you happy, i do anything. people say i should go with you and things will happen, although i have the same view but i always lie to myself its going to be alrite. and if i go maybe there will be constrict and wont be a enjoyable experience for you. so lets do what we should do. and its not the trust or anything, guys are cb, i just know, you said its gonna be alrite, but i know it sure will come up with somethings. maybe i have not been there before but i just know. but whatever, since you already went and i'm already sad, lets just slot this file into the back of my head.

i hide the feelings to prevent us from quarelling.

so i on my way,
i leave today,
if i get away,
it'll be ok.

trust isnt the way to love,
its a excuse for freedom.

you dress to kill,
would you love me still?

2006-11-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

today..

its not a very nice thursday.. morning wake up feel good, go pang sai and study for quiz.. pang sai while study quiz works.. then went online and discover things i shouldnt.. sad myself and play neopets and lastknights.. its so fun.. LOL..

went to skool, forget to bring my 50bucks, forget my timetable.. dun even know where is my lecture hall for my quiz.. but i alight the bus saw jeffrey and jun hao.. and then jason.. LOl.. eh so heng la.. after that it was a easy quiz sia.. so easy.. woohoo.. then skip lecture go edit my blog.. skip lunch too.. then this sony ericsson is so lousy the batt.. the phone auto shut down sia.. ok, then meet dear.. abit sad, then later on sad.. dear, dun leave me alone ok? i need u so so much dear.. dun walk away and just cling on to me every single second ok? i love you so so much..

i love you forever and ever 1 and only meiwern in my heart.

Finally,

To: SBS Transit company.
Regarding: The buses you provide is damn limited.

Sir/Madam,

i trying to keep my cool now as i preventing some vulgarities in tis feedback thing in my blog. i was taking bus 34 on this monday at about 7.40am.. normally i am very accurate about the frequent of the bus coming to my stop at punggol before the TPE. i predict that it will came about 7.45am like IT ALWAYS DO but then it didn't went what i expected. i not sure what the bus driver was trying to do but it totally make me eat alot of sh*t that day.

it came around 8, motherf*cking 8am you understand? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8am. my class start at 8am and it came at 8am. and if it come at 7.45 i maybe late only awhile for my class. and i have test some more you understand? you know, it late and it cause alot of people taking the bus. MIND YOU I AM NOT FAT LIKE MOSES LIM OR SOME FAT BOY FROM THE TAF CLUB, i couldn't squeeze into the bus. damn sad you understand?

So i still have to console myself and say "never mind here comes bus 3 still got space to sit down." but i was super duper wrong. i reach pasir ris where i could take bus 15 to school as i am studying at TEMASEK POLY if you were wondering.. it pack with f*cking lot of people. the bus just happily drive pass the bus stop and all the students at the bus stop just open their mouth wide and say What the F*ck. do you know we will be late and mark absent? and now the debarment has change you understand? i know you wont even care, just wanna earn money and profit right? always increase the bus fare to have profit right? can you use abit of the profit to increase the number of bus? its so limited that my hair on my head wins the number of your bus. please spare a thought for us student from temasek poly.

today, i waited for 2 motherf*cking hours for your lousy bus 34. can you explain why this has happen? is it your bus driver eatting snake? or they are stuck at airport waiting for their relatives to reach singapore? or they also went to the new ikea to get the free goodies and take balloon from my girl friend's friend? what were you all thinking. i can even chase my girl friend to the bus stop at another side and bus 34 haven't even came. i can take 69 and see millions of 69 passes me and 34 still haven't even came.. you make me and my girl friend relationship to have problems then we quarrel. and make us so late home and her family call her you understand? for me, i totally miss my "ye man nai nai", if you dont understand means you dont have scv. cause you only have tv mobile. but that's ok but you just screw up our plan to ikea. who you are actually? courts supporter is it? dont want us to go ikea and let them earn money?

so you can see the problem of limited bus on peak hours. i hope you can fix the problem as fast as you could and i wont have to complain again anymore. and i never register for the what vivocity vouchers and bid for them. so you cant threaten me. i really hope you understand the difficulty students have been facing due to transportation. and strangely to say, ONLY SBS bus have this kind of problem. please, dont force us support the yellow buses. we will if you wont take action on it.

if you visit my blog and see this.
thank you..

for those people that support me,
tag me and thanks for your support.

2006-11-18T23:30:00.000+08:00

its been long since i last update tis blog..

sadness is an estacy for my blogging..

i dunno what happen.. it jus happen like a blink of an eye.. words flow into my ears, analyse by my brain, cut thru my heart.. its been long since i ever sad like tis.. or should i say i nv have tis experience for my life.. perhaps its a wake up call, but it must be a hurtful one.. guess i always act like a kid hoping u to give a pat on my head although i did wrong.. i know i did wrong, i did apologize, but i jus dun understand y u will act tis way.. maybe im always seem to push u to the limit of ur anger..

things jus suddenly change.. things that she do before tis seems different now.. like she wont say she need to go and msg me later, even she did say before, it seems ok last time.. but now, i feel some kind of im unwanted.. im jus confused.. what she said did it really came out from her heart.. if it is, what about the relationship.. will it end soon? or maybe her love for me will fade away..

hais, sad..
hope i can be better,
but now im crying like a child..

2006-10-09T19:32:00.000+08:00

Is it voice out important?

i feel so disappointed. i dont know why. why am i such a worthless guy in your eyes? havent i did enough for you to be satisfied? how much mountain should i climb, how much ocean should i cross so i could earn a praise from you? if sacrifice have to say it out, it wont be sincere no more. it just will appear as you are asking something back. i keep it to myself but what i dont know its by doing this i've making myself look like a failure. how should i prove my love for you is genuine? love i give is pure? how much i adore you is real? how much i dote you is from my heart? how much i sacrifice is true?

Failure is just like my surname, it seems follows me everywhere i go, everything i do, every word i speak. i just cant believe how many people i seems to be disappointed by me. if i just did badly, give me sometime to work hard. i dont scared of failure, i just scared you wont give me chances.

I dont want to polish my sadness with tears, why should it ended up like that? i want to enjoy my life with you, just lay back from a urban life and relax with you. life shouldnt be stressful with you. there's shouldnt be any limit with you. just like my love doesnt stop and last forever n ever.

i hope you understand.

-..- love -.-

2006-10-08T18:07:00.000+08:00

been so busy everyday.. ah, fucking haze.. Pui..

nv feel my course can bring me to such a great place to work.. Singapore Land Authority, Temasek Tower, Tanjong Pagar.. WOW, such a Grand Life.. sea view, easy work, slack, slack and more slack.. the shit thing is only a table that is jus big enough for me and william.. no computer, no telephone.. but there's tis aunty bought breakfast for us most of the time.. basically, i'm going to site inspection, jus see security guard is present at those vacant building then write down on the checklist.. then copy some dates, then go home.. sometimes stay at office doing paper work.. a 8.30am to 6pm job, come late to work go home early.. ah, great life..

so busy busy busy, spending time with gf is so limited not saying friends.. ah, where are they.. tommy still haven see him for days, or even years.. Wee, jus saw him at last month.. LOL.. where's the time i can enjoy? this job make me exchange all the holidays i have..

jus pass a year with my dear, its so fast so quick jus like a blink of an eye.. nv celebrate much nv have much luck, got caught by her mama, worst thing is her brother, ahh.. its getting more complicated.. but then jus let nature take its cause.. cant do much anyway.. woo, first time going a tattoo shop, watching her er sao tattoo.. nth much..

now r so cancer trend.. my ah ma down with cancer, but hopeless, jus have to go for treatment every now n then.. then, my uncle, down with cancer, finish operation, cant go work, family in trouble.. but my cousin still stays so cool.. hate them last time, but i dunno wat feeling should i have now..

anyway, life's come n go,
u may live today, u r gone tmr..

wat the hell,
j
us live n enjoy it..
kill the feeling of wasted, n kiss the person you misses..

-0- *life is boring..

2006-09-03T22:51:00.000+08:00

ah, life..

are we living our life like its used to it? sometimes, when it disappear for awhile, u find it empty in ur life somehow or rather.. its strange, u dont feel it till the day you lost it..

i shouldnt be putting my past into present and live on.. what's done is done, it would jus be a memory for me to look at and laugh and learn not to do stupid things again.. experience is always a stepping stone to success..

Things change, Life change.. chat with tommy and find out me and him also change, our friends changing too.. wee change too.. its been long since i ever see them.. chat with them, find out what i've been missing.. i've been busy for my life, my wonderful life with my wonderful gf.. everything starts to taking its place.. going to 1 year and tt means no more smoking.. tough tough tough, but still have to work hard on it.. or i already done it? still feel the pain but what's love when there's no sacrifice..

anyway, tis is a change.. and tommy, tis cb change to a lan jiao.. tis means, he will start to talk bout girls already.. last time, he everytime say girls r boring and say tis chio he will eh, ok la.. now say wat no girls, is boring.. wee, wow.. clubbing king.. maybe this is his life he been searching for.. for other ppl that change, i dunno.. haven seen them.. and leslie, change to playing dota.. dunno y, heard from tommy he's pro.. LOl.. so many changes, how i wish i could stop and observe my friends..

anyway, what a lousy post im doing now.. jus to keep my blog still running.. LOl..

2006-08-12T10:51:00.000+08:00

Friday 11/08/2005

It's a adventurous day and tiring outing. wahahahaha.. but its all worth it cus i nv have such a great time with lim meiwern..

morning was shit, go skool late, cus i da bian so long.. then run to bus stop thinking im quite a gd runner and run to the bus stop.. haven even reach the half of the long strench road, the bus jus zoom pass.. i try to be optimistic n make myself thinking tt's not my bus, but happy thots disappear when i reach the bus stop.. less ppl = bus 34 gone.. ok.. wait for another.. then came.. try to plan a gd route to skool so i risk my feet to climb up a sickening overhead bridge to take 69.. wow, lucky me, the bus came quite fast.. then reach opposite the engine bus stop.. wanna cross the road then hesitate when saw the gay guard.. ok, act a seh climb the stairs..

then reach outside the 33-1 lab.. no ppl.. wow, then go up no ppl.. wow, then came down, no ppl.. OK, go breadboard.. bought a drink then walk to the lab again, ok no ppl.. give up.. go home.. anyway, i seeing a doc for my lousy stomach so i would probably get a mc.. then i call up shun qiang say no need come, i see no one.. so he was late n when i went over to the opposite bus stop, he fucking call me n said "hey you lab leh.. wo zai eaudit lab li mian.. pua hong aik chi dao.. kuai dian lai, hai mei you mark attendance.." ok, so an angel flash my mind say, "go la.. last lesson, go do n its worth 10 marks.." then the devil said, "knn la.. u already going to see a doc n get mc.. wat for u go.." jus then i got a message and this meiwern, still at home.. so i go there then realise the angel cheat me.. nobody was there, i know the took a lift up, but i pai seh go up.. so i went home with a tired feet and a sweaty body..

this doc is so funny.. our conversation :
doc "what's ur name?"
me "eugene"
doc"what's the problem?"
me"stomach hmm, ache"(cus i dunno is it stomach ache or gastric pain)
doc"ok, go lie down there. how old are you?"
me"about 19"
doc"19 say 19 la.. or u is 19 about 20?"
me"act young ma"
doc"what course u studying"
me"ibt, intelligent building technology"
doc"what's all about?"
me"like facility management"
doc"nowadays course name are so fanciful. is it about real estate?"
me (cb, real estate like those agent, damn xia sway)"no like planning facility"
doc"is it? r u sure? u know what u studying ma?
me(fuck, he know about the course)"aiya mus depend on wat u going to further on ur studies"

i dun wish to carry on, cus its about my sick.. nth more or less.. and its like taking half of my page sia.. what the hell.. and my friday its not really bout this.. ok, go buy nissin seafood noodles and paus then just nice my dear came.. when home, gan chiong bout her quan ming.. LOL.. watch, chill then she jus kept repeating, "ka kin dan poh".

went to orchard, wisma first.. thot seeing ripcurl shop but tio pian is a surfer girl shopt with lots of other names like surfer board.. LOL.. ok, we kinda lost our way to taka.. LOL.. finally at takashimaya.. make some fren, then act japanese, then tis dear always bring me to dead end.. touch ham, cus the girl seems to be so happy when she buy ham.. saw different kinds of hotdogs.. then buy 1 sweet only but choose from all the packets.. really is dunno how to say.. bought her fav panda biscuit, sweet too.. then went to see what else can buy.. i wanna eat the ke le ping, then like dun have le sia.. ok, went to buy bubble tea.. strawberry milk tea with nate de coco is nice n not gay ok? then walk to see her "cybershot" phone.. LOL.. 3.2 megapixel.. i think can shoot porn no lag damn clear.. ok, the seafood dumplings is nice.. should try.. i give it a thumbs up and its worth queue up for.. then short is short, no matter how u try, u no need to dodge de.. LOL.. stand outside hippo to watch ghost game.. then saw a girl really like u lor dear.. then got ppl smile at me.. go 7 eleven to discuss bout food.. then see the baby very fun.. went over to ps.. on the way, i heard stories like a million times going "wo geng liling zai na li jia zhuang da golf.. hou mian hao xiang you ren zai kan.." wah, i hope the traffic light will always be red then we will jus cross the road without hearing tis stories.. ok, walk the pebble pathway like come nougat or nougaut..

then walk to carrefour then the body shop smell so nice sia.. stop there smell, then nv realise we are outside la senza, a lingerie, longerie, lungerie, langerie shop.. LOl.. then carrefour find the biscuit then they nv sell, went to see ribena, then she like nougaut then wanna try the food, touch beef, got a girl kpkb say seafood is cheap, went to see the fish tt can stand, saw sausage roll, and show me her fav squid n i show her the mini octopus.. walk to the cake there.. then go forzen food, very cold.. then "eor" LOl.. somebody hao lian while outside ps.. when over to the new cathy.. really so new that no shop can go.. went adidas shop, nth much.. go back to ps took 36.. reach city hall.. jus nice tiffany & co. pack with lots of ppl in city link.. saw a fat girl, saw her again, saw here once more, really can make fren, n her bf is really quite skinny.. then really pack with ppl la.. then walk to esplanade then hungry leh.. go back to marina square.. tot of buy food from 7 eleven..

regret nv eat first.. everywhere every restaurant is packed, full house, no seats.. she bring me to a alien place that we r lost.. LOL.. saw hans, now then i know hans is snatch seats.. so not civilised.. then call fang yi buy nuggets.. went over to the millions stairs there to rest our tiring feet.. then meet them at dxo.. went over to esplanade, walk walk walk, choose choose, pick a spot and stand there eat our nuggets.. ok, lots of ppl pushing n squeezing.. then sian, very cramp.. cyclist are idiots that mus slap to wake up cus its full of ppl n u still wanna cycle.. then i dunno y, when the fireworks starts, the crowd disappear.. fuck the tree, block the views, cant see clearly.. then very nice.. so nice.. wow.. really worth it.. then goon doo goon doo, take escalator down then realise going to clarke quay.. wait till the whole popluation of singapore at esplanade to clear.. so funny, we jus discuss bout taking photo, someone ask me to take a photo for them.. i kinda shake a little, i dunno y.. then they like quite disappointed leh.. LOL.. im sorry, i just too tired.. then the lift hor, kns.. so packed always.. then this idiot, wanna slap his face then he will press the lift button leh.. then b1 is pack so go b2.. then one of the lift is at maintenance.. another one, lucky can get in.. b1 saw the another fat n skinny couple again then i think they learn our tactic.. hahaha.. so many tis kind of couple.. ok, kay poh walk here n there, then miss bus.. but gd miss cus we shouldnt take it..

walk to clarke quay, smell beer, wink, walk to the underpass.. then very dangerous of crossing the road.. then reach a bus stop.. ok, a very funny thing happen.. i saw bus 12.. i flag at the bus, then the bus driver nv care bout me.. then i knock the bus door, and the driver wave "no".. then kinda strange, y no.. then nv care.. then we walk back.. see still got wat bus, then the bus stop dont have bus 12.. hahahaha.. fucking pai seh sia.. ok, walk a long way to another bus stop.. english chatting today.. then took bus 80.. sit down there, saw xin peh i think its like tt spell n stella.. so fated, then saw fangyi.. ok, its really fated.. then send her home then i took a fast train home..

what a tiring day.. 7-4, owe u 1 chicken cutlet rice..
what a great day out with my dearest meiwern..
stick with u.. mwaks..

2006-08-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

This Month Is Bad For Me.

Especially Today. I feel like shit and I am losing my mind now.

I am sick in the bed. early skool do project reply late i am sorry kp by a 1 idiot ah pek and now

I feel that i am such a fucker myself so i called up and apologize and say go but then realise what a fool i am.

OH, THIS IS THE BEST DAY I EVER HAVE IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY.

I AM BLEEDING. CAN YOU SEE?

SeiL are so common in life. Damn Right.

2006-08-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

Life's,
fucked up..

seriously fucked up.. especially friday.. oh, just fucked up.. firstly, william wake me up from a great sleep, OK fucked up.. Meet at 11.30, i late then william more late, OK fucked up.. go bcs free access lab and see so full, OK fucked up.. i dunno what happen to my project that save in my diskette just gone, OK fucked up.. dunno how to do ask yufen dunno how to do a guy explain some alien language i dun seem to know but he kept make mistake along the way kinda waste my time, OK fucked up.. saw william friend, kept talking non stop like a fucking asshole, OK fucked up.. he kept kp me and i feel like slapping him but its william friend, OK fucked up.. do project do till swee swee, com turn off on its home, OK fucked up.. do again till swee swee, then wrong then the computer cant work, OK MAJOR fucked up.. then nv do anything in skool, technically, came to skool for nth, OK DAMN fucked up..

im sorry i cant control my emotion, cause the day to be bad.. im sorry dear..

click was cool n nice.. wah, die die must try..

i love u my dear, forever n ever babe..

saturday..

not enough sleep.. kept study psychology till my mind is full of theories.. and then i just forget it.. what the hell.. went to skool and then know the paper is "its ok, can pass" type.. ok, wasted la.. stay in skool for a hour jus to decide where to go.. finally pull william to selegie.. ok, fun day.. long time nv meet frens out, its quite nice.. then sit the long bus ride at 65.. my butt almost glue to the sit and i have to peel my butt of the sit.. god.. then eat wat cripsy wonton mee by tommy intro.. taste like shit jus go fry.. knn.. then dota dota dota till kahmeng not working.. whahahahaha, what a joke.. he going to work de sia, then say 6 go, then later on he hook and not going.. OMG la dota.. it can ruin a person life.. just like tommy, guobin, maybe kahmeng? saw my sec frens, kengtoon n yibiao.. wow, they dint change and it was cool to see them again..

i dint wanna be so gan chiong bout u.. i jus purely worry.. im sorry if i being abit naggy, ok not abit, is alot.. but i just worry bout u.. i wont do it again anymore.. ok? sorry dear.. lets happy happy ok? mwaks..

whatever you want i will give you..
love you no matter what happens..

2006-08-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

Coincidences..
Its this man made or the god just giving you a chance?

Why it is difficult for me to ever do it again? I disappointed in myself.. I'm sorry, sometimes the situation dont allow me to do that.. I numb myself with lots of ways yet the feeling of sad is still there.. I'm really sad, disappointed, its terrible.. Just let my tears wash away the pain.. and be a new happy eugene.. "cheer up eugene".

Suddenly there's tis danny poh that ask me sex chat with him.. wahahaha, its so funny.. it make me forget everything.. and tis xia lan woman at youtube, really so funny..

Life's no matter what you do, treat it as your last day, you may enjoy and treasure everything in this world..

lastly, happy birthday to stella.. best wishes for her wishes to came true..

and 10months anniversary for me and meiwern.. happy till ever after..

2006-07-30T23:10:00.000+08:00

SNOW PATROL - CHASING CARS

We'll do it all
Everything On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone If I lay here

If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know

How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all

I can see I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

if life can be wat u want it to be, isnt tt great?

there's a story :

1 nite a disciple woke up from a dream and cry bitterly on his bed. his teacher was curious n ask him "y r u crying? is it a bad dream?". his disciple reply "no, its a good dream. but i cry because it will nv happen".

2006-07-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

ok, 1st post using my own com..
yes, my monitor is fixed im back are u glad? im now listening to all those beautiful music and all are fresh.. yes, im a happiest guy in the world rite now but my dear is not online yet so its abit less than perfect..

ok, i would blog bout friday..

finish class at 9.30am.. first time so late then came out.. went for lecture n joke around.. went breadboard eat my breakfast.. eat wat chai fan.. yi li yi li pepper chicken, lan lan yu, n 1 thing i forget wat is it.. LOL.. went to access lab.. i haven even warm up my seat, my dear call me.. waste time logging in la.. LOL.. then went over to my house and then all the magic happens.. wahahahaha.. ok, then went to take bus, saw my mama and saw a stupid n crazy ite girl..

suntec, offically no photohunt.. i dunno y, and i dun wanna know.. play soccer, lOL.. i kept losing n i dunno y i still wanna play for.. then lose daytona again but tt's so outdated.. now is mario bros racing leh.. so fun sia.. next time i wanna bring another 2 person to play with us.. its so cool n so fun.. jus so fun sia.. wow.. ok eat fantastic then went home..

happy day jus being with my one n only dear..
i love you so much..

tis blog will not have the same fate as pavilion..

2006-06-25T17:47:00.000+08:00

i forgot what i did on monday.. i think i dint do anything.. LOL..

To U's day (creative?)

meet dear at mosquito busstop.. then wanna go tanjong pagar eat.. wo de lao tian ye.. y i jus cant eat the stupid fried shark meat.. and y i seems to go orchard to walk around? let me step i also feel so happy.. ok, the cokes is badly shaked.. and the moment is like bomb.. then took cab home.. end up acting was on the tv.. tis dear, abit watch tis movie abit watch another.. so shan bian.. then we were gan chiong spider all the day.. and really the feeling of cui is bad.. haha..

Wet Nest Day

meet boys at skool.. do project.. PLAY SOME SPORTS.. wow, i burn lots of fats.. i feel light.. i kept buy water to drink and they say im crazy.. and they like me after i finish sports, cus i will be damn quiet and catching my breathe.. im jus too old.. but still young in everything.. bet soccer and win.. world cup is cheating my money.. boo..

Thirst Day

not thirsty at all but dear ask me drink more water so i listen.. then stay home did nth..

Fried Day

yes, i really get Fried.. dunno go where, everything's a mess.. then meet tommy, i play dota with some noobs at bnet.. and i play alone.. tommy watch and laugh at me.. play with his new flat phone.. like so flat can stuff it in ur ass.. ok, then went to tampines meet william.. talk n talk.. i whole day damn quiet as i am tired.. ok, went to mac, chat bout the twins.. so shocking and so pai seh.. watch soccer in mac, just find out tt we can actually catch live soccer matches in it.. then went home in a heavy rain..

Set the Day

Nv really set the day, as i late for the project meeting.. nobody bring textbk except me, i feel bit better as i really late like 1hr.. haven even start, wait for me came.. say do humour commercial as im a humourous guy.. i dunno y everybody seems to say im blur.. am i really blur? ok, so we really tried to finish the skit thing, i dunno can anot.. its like not really gd.. then late, meet dear also late.. my cripple leg jus cant walk properly.. went to buy food, really is sui bian.. then eat watch home.. tt's all..

life's is full of excitement with my dear..
i love u always.. always love to get gan chiong with u.. haha..

2006-06-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

friday,

i woke up late.. stupid me, forget to change the tone of the alarm clock.. then the sound beep so soft, who can wake up leh.. ok, then somethings wake me up like the sun shine on my butt.. then found out shit im late.. ok, msg my dear say meet at 11.30am.. then rush all the way, then see my dear so hao lian say wat i haven wake up yet.. so boo lor.. then took a 10.45 bus.. lucky its chicken little then wont late.. hahahaha.. then got a big asshole.. i was watching the tv mobile then he come n sit infront of me.. fat bastard, i cant watch a fucking thing.. then he alight at a nearest busstop nvm, he alight at aljunied mrt startion lor.. then saw my dear nv late n pinch my stomach.. ok, went to tanjong pagar.. stupid la, the auntie lor, i tot she wanna board the bus then nv.. make us miss the busstop need to walk so far lor.. then sway lor dunno y the stall nv open.. i wanna eat the fried shark meat lor.. so nice lor.. its the best fried fish stall i ever eat.. yum yum.. then walk all the way to board bus to parkway.. wow, got alot of gu se gu xiang shops.. n i like the dim sum shop.. like quite nice.. ya la, i copy my dear say de.. then saw alot of silly names of ra movies.. then find out pearls centre dun have 197.. hahahaha, so stupid leh.. then 197 so many n so fast come leh..

ok reach parkway.. then alot of happening in the bus.. especially the bus is really cold.. then board down le then tis guy dunno forget wat thing he rush back up again.. i feel so skinny as he can still rush up when i standing at the stairs.. then went to parkway listen to my dear hao lian n she kept bully me.. n say wat very cold.. n suddenly she praise the bread talk smell so nice.. then 5 buns is just $5.. not 5 bread.. see ppl play yoyo so boring.. then walk here n there.. very hungry.. then cannot take it went to marina square eat her favourite fin fish n chips.. ok, very nice the fish n chips.. then eat eat eat.. the bread not nice.. ok, he nv give me my drink lor.. then eat n eat.. kept bully me, then talk alot.. then say she cannot go home late cannot cui.. hahahaha.. so quickly rush to play her daytona.. wah, then dunno y she again say cold.. MOST PRO DAYOTNA PLAYER IS LIM MEI WERN.. SHE SO PRO.. NOBODY CAN BEAT HER BUT SHE ONLY PRO IN BEGINNNER.. HAHAHAHAHA.. AND SHE QUITE PRO IN PUZZLE FIGHTER LEH.. LOL.. ok, im so pro in marvel vs capcom 2.. all thanks to my bro tommy ang chai hock.. wah, the girl girl really so nice to use lor.. so pro can.. hahahaha.. then beat the boss, look at the time really so late le.. then went to take bus then tis dear hao lian say she go malaysia ambessy do wat ic or passport.. then say she been tis bus stop be4.. took bus 80.. sit at the weird seats tt can see each other.. then she ask everybody to see her knee.. LOl.. then scared cui see her bro.. send her home, she nv cui and still luckily fast go home.. her bro jus wanna leave the house.. hahahaa..

wat a day..l

i missing u so much my baobei dear..
waiting for u..
mwaks mwaks..
always loving u..

2006-06-15T11:51:00.000+08:00

monday,

meet william and friends went to seoul garden.. then quite fun.. then went to play arcarde.. then dota.. then home.. watch soccer but i just cant wake up at 3am.. why?

tuesday,

meet ah bei.. meet stella.. then went to compass point a warm mos.. nice light though.. then walk around.. watch a act seh guy play house of dead 4.. mus u use till 2 players? ok, then walk here n there.. then went to cold storage.. i cant find kiwi.. then cant find the panda biscuit.. then no sweets.. then got a person cut my queue.. when leaving the supermarket, 1 promoter tot i steal kiwi.. then went over to kovan.. not hot anymore.. very cold.. then went to arcarde.. WO DE LAO TIAN YE.. I WON LIM MEI WERN IN DAYTONA.. hahahahahhahaa.. so happy.. then i dunno how to play puzzle fighter.. then she got thrash by a stupid ugly guy.. then still ppl mus put her water.. ok, i lost every game after i won daytona.. hmm, then we went to kovan to shhh shhh.. then took 80.. wow, so fast sia..

wednesday,

meet ah bei.. then spend a wonderful day.. then suddenly so shocking happen.. then went to punggol park.. her wish came true but haven play the swing yet.. then ants bite.. then dragonfly n lizard r disgusting..

dear, i love u always..
mwaks mwaks..

it seems like all my friends are leaving me to army..
good luck have fun boys..

2006-06-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

ok, today is a boring saturday.. nth to watch on tv leh..

yesterday which is saturday - one day = friday..

morning was cool.. well, afternoon kinda bad.. my mama bought zhu rou zhou.. then the zhou is not those zhou is those like rice add more water.. wah, taste like a disgusting water rice.. so disgusting lor.. and the more i eat the more i wanna slap the person sia.. so boo lor.. ok, went to skool.. cb william la, say wat dun wait for me go in first.. knn lor, so late then msg me meet 3pm, msg me at 2.30pm lor.. the bus already gone.. idiot.. then i saw him outside studying.. ok, nvm i talk to him awhile n come back, lots of girls crowd around him sia.. like a superstar.. LOl.. ok, then the paper got mcq question, im shocked.. then do n do.. quite difficult.. then i gan chiong, when at 4pm i see all my frens left the room.. so i quickly finish n go out.. ok they have nth to do after skool.. all go home including me..

ok, the nun is quite a boring show or the time is not rite.. hahaha.. ok, then have lots of fun and also have lots of hair drops on my floor tt belongs to my dearest bei.. ok, then went home.. same bus always.. LOl.. then dance at the mosquitoes bus stop.. hahaha.. ok, then took 31 to boon keng.. saw kfc, wanna go eat but feel like go boon keng settle dinner.. then took 147 to serangoon.. knn, no bus to kovan.. then nvm walk to another further bus stop n saw a number of bus i can take.. then took 153 then went to kovan n there nth to eat.. bo bian n due to my stupidity, i have to eat a mc spicy meal alone at the macdonalds.. shit.. ok, then walk to take 136.. all i can say is fuck the lao cb bus.. so long, then i saw 80 sia.. so noob lor me.. long time nv take bus, then dunno wat bus to where.. so i very tulan n took 82 n jus nice 62 was behind.. so i changed n got home like 11pm.. i wait for bus at 10 leh.. ok, watch world cup.. lousy costa rica, make me disappointed cus i kua sway germany..

saturday..
boring.. watch repeat match.. Germany 4-2 Costa Rica, Poland 0-2 Ecuador.. ok.. do tiring house work.. then now blog.. later play winning eleven.. ok.. tt's all.. and tis dear, so theif, always left the letter unknowingly on my table.. hahaha..

i love my dear only forever.
mwaks.

2006-06-06T23:27:00.000+08:00

steal some time to blog and be a naughty boy.. haven really finish studying yet but very stress so thinking to blog..

Human being is always not satisfy with things or is jus expectation is too high? sometimes what i do that i may think i really give it all but you still will ask me to give abit more..

Just chat with wee today and heard he broke up with his fhm model.. kinda sad, he got ditched.. so now he doesnt believe in love anymore.. he ask me some questions which really give me a deep thought.. he said "u meet meiwern everyday.. u have changed.. arent u tired of her cus u everytime meet her? like tt feelings will fade.." maybe thats for his situation.. so i told him, im not tired.. maybe i have found the love of my life, so tt's y ppl get so shock that i so devoted.. and i answer him that my feeling for her wont fade cus i seems to love her more and more each day.. so he reply happy then gd.. hahaha, its seems like alot of ppl ask me tis kind of question.. maybe im really devoted or maybe she's jus has a dependent personality.. maybe tis is gd or maybe tis is bad.. whatever it is, my love for her wont change.. its jus bout compromise and accomodate..

who do not have past? we've mus not always judge ppl from their past or even get bother by their past..

and always chat with shu mei is in a lousy time.. i always the cold blanket and left early..

tt's all for today..

we lived for the future and learn from the past..

2006-06-05T08:13:00.002+08:00

FIRST THING FIRST,

happy 8 months for me and meiwern..

SECONDLY,

im sorry stella.. please dun angry with us anymore and dont sad, if anything i can repay to u, i will..

ok.. so here the story starts..

i will not blog about the last last week or wat.. jus start with last week..

monday,

what i did was a mystery as i even forget what i did and same for tues, wed, thurs..

lets start with friday then..

ok, start skool at 8.. i still take my jolly' gd time styling my hair when its 7.20.. then talk to myself say, i can make it for 7.45 bus.. but then shit.. no bus.. i was worried tt i will late as i recall my tutor said tt today will have a site visit.. then i saw a cab drove towards my direction.. without even think, i immediately lift up my hand and flag it.. ok, the taxi driver was somehow like those lao beng.. then say highway always jam.. then i say something, he mus kp me.. he even kp me for dunno how to go tp.. he tot im a driver like him meh, im jus a future diploma student.. fuck him.. then talk bout world cup.. ok, then i quickly alight as having to spend even 1 second inside, it kills.. ok, tot i was very lucky the tutor haven start the visit, and yes, i was really very lucky.. the tutor spend almost 1 hour to go thru wat project sia.. wasted my cab fare.. i feel so dumb.. ok, not bad.. went over to the underground water holding area.. looks creepy.. then me and shun qiang was standing infront of the group.. then the fat indian man with red eyes on him looks like a fat cyclops in mud.. and he wear like going to hawai beach like tt.. ok, then we was the first one.. i actually scared u know.. so dark, then all water.. only a narrow path.. then i was thinking tt, tis time cui liao.. i'm the first one, then if i hesitate, ppl will laugh at me.. then i act a seh and walk like nth happen.. so scared u know.. then inside was like sauna, as hot as pussycat dolls.. hahahahaha.. after tt went to lecture.. the phua hong aik, really like me sia.. hahaha.. kept ask william where's me, as william kept tell him i fail maths.. then he come and ask me why i fail maths.. hahaha.. he so spy, come over to the lecture hall there spy who nv go sia.. LOL.. then we li siao those late comers.. we at there shout "swee la so late come" then they pai seh sia.. got 1 time damn funny.. the jason so late.. when he came in, i shouted "why so late?" then the whole lt ppl look at him sia.. then he gain all his energy to run for his life out of the lt room.. hahahahaha.. so funny sia.. ok, what was i saying? hmm, ok.. after lecture, when to eat.. eat already go do psycho quiz.. then tommy came, dj came, jia wei came, some ppl came, then we went to busstop, dj came jia wei came, some ppl came too.. then board bus 15.. i sit with william and left tommy alone.. hahaha, i feel so bad.. then i kept sleeping, the cb william kept wake me up.. knn.. then i practise my vocal chords.. then kept bluff tommy we alighting then he really believe.. ahhahahaa.. he so noob, he only been to parkway 1 time and its so long ago.. ok, then go kbox.. sing, shun qiang came, sing.. then shun qiang went home, me tommy william went to roxy square food court to eat.. knn cb william.. nv tell us the western food is long.. then the half spring chicken was great and full.. then go out have a heart to heart chat.. and really its nice.. and i notice tt how fucker am i.. ok, then went home bathe.. then force myself to watch wat san geng.. should be 3 ge gui gu shi lor.. stupid show.. then cant sleep tmr 2 pm then wake up.. meiwern came, eat play watch tv.. now tv is hers.. she ate so slow and little sia.. LOL.. then my mama see her like difficult.. hahaha.. i love u only hor dear? dun check tis and tt question me again hor? i love u only forever always.. then tis girl, always so late go home.. and tt's all for sat and friday.. hahahaha..

the word friend doesnt consist of any b cus friend shouldnt be betray..

dear, dont so late go home le hor..
mwaks mwaks..
i love u 1 and only..

2006-05-23T09:31:00.000+08:00

its been so long for my winding stories for my blog.. here goes :

friday, day 1 of hong kong..

wake up freaking early in the morning.. then went to changi airport to check in.. so long queue so many ppl.. when i reach there then i notice tt i was boarding cathay pacific.. lousy shit plane.. so board tt plane.. sucks, it makes my ears pain when it lift up and land.. watch fun with dick n jane in the plane, wat a nice movie.. then alight at hk airport was my first battle.. luckily when i went to the toilet there's a free toilet.. then i saw NONO.. so shocked.. he with a girl and i afraid tt i would bother them n dint wanna take pics with him.. he so fat sia.. ok, so took mtr to somewhere then took some free shuttle bus to hotel.. after getting our room, again, its shopping.. eat dim sum at a opposite our hotel restaurant.. then went straight to sai kung.. over there bought a short and walk around.. there's like a jetty and have lots of seafood.. then saw how they sell the seafood on the boat.. then eat seafood at a restaurant.. was cost like a bomb.. ok then went to tsim sha shui.. i went to cut my hair and they shop around.. the barber still know me sia.. LOL.. so long, has been 1 year plus.. then went to mongkok.. shop again and bought a crispy chou dou fu.. then when to 7 eleven bought mineral water and free the key chain.. very nice and cute and special..

saturday, day 2 at hong kong..

wake up.. went to mongkok.. look for a restaurant nearly kill me.. walk so long and far.. then shop the night market.. well, its afternoon but still its call a night market.. then bought tis and tt.. went to bought other things.. then went over to tsim sha shui again.. search for a restaurant.. nearly kill me again and finally give up on finding the last time restaurant and try new one.. well, not bad the steamboat.. so went to shop again till my legs r breaking, its all my mama's idea.. then walk and walk and walk i eat another crispy chou dou fu and walk walk walk and finally went to kfc.. so nice lor their kfc.. then very nice..

sunday, day 3 at hong kong..
so stupid..

went to wat tian hou to change currency.. so stupid.. went so far then change at such a lousy rate.. then rain then hard to walk.. so stupidity kills.. then finally find the place my parents last change their currency at, then went back to hotel.. bought some dried scalops, then check out.. went to airport and i ate such a tasty curry pork rice.. and yes, im eating myself.. LOL.. ok, then went back home.. sad cant buy cigarettes.. then went home sleep for tmr lessons..

always so miss my dear dear.. i've been waiting everyday for monday.. but too bad.. and i dunno y i feel so disappointed.. maybe i too miss her..

2006-05-11T12:24:00.000+08:00

all i can say is,

JUST BRING IT..

2006-05-08T10:37:00.000+08:00

its my wishful thinking i know..

i was wrong i know..

i am sorry i hope u know..

i love you always please know..

mwaks mwaks..

2006-05-07T14:31:00.000+08:00

so it was friday..

same old same old.. dota at pavillion.. i dunno y and i really dunno u do not wanna join me there.. kept giving some stupidest excuse i ever heard.. hais.. after that phone call im almost restless to play.. well, i start to lost all the mood and almost bang the whole com..

met her, got scolded hais.. friday is brother's day.. but u took over it and i cant spend time with my brothers.. what if i took over ur saturday? if u ask me y my brother cant go out tog on sat, y ur frens couldnt meet u on fri? hais.. i jus dunno how.. im troubled sometimes i just get fucked by them n fucked by my gf and kept get fucked makes my mood fucked up.. when can ppl jus compromise me..

ok, so we went to ps.. ok, walk here and there.. finally reached the arcarde at ps.. well, im a pro in marvel vs capcom 2.. i complete it with style.. hahahaha.. and im so pro tt i do not need to see my screen to play.. LOL.. powerstone was a nice game to play.. saw si liang and his stead.. then walk around.. again she know how to play alot of instrument.. went to times, finding wee's pei pei on fhm.. then walk walk walk, saw 2 suckers wanna ask us do survey.. she dun wanna give her personal info, then i talk to them they give up bugging her.. make us miss the bus then took a squeezy 36.. finally sit at the back, she bang to a girl but dun wanna say sorry, then wanna pickpocket a guy's bag.. LOL.. ok, then went to cold storage buy water.. then she thirsty wanna drink first.. LOL.. went off to arcarde play time crisis.. first time see a person so humjirou, hide the whole time then still can complete.. hahahahaha, how boo shit.. LOL.. then realise i got blisters.. went to mos chill eat chill then so pai seh.. really so funny and pai seh.. omg, dear.. pls do it secretly ok? hahahahaha.. omg u.. LOL lor.. ok, send her to the dark bus stop.. then tis 62 driver stop at the traffic junction cus its red light.. then he quickly ran to the toilet then came back.. the red light is so long tt he can came back and still wait for it to turn green.. hahaha.. went home watch tv sleep..

it may not be a good friday but it still a friday that im happy to spend with my dear..
mwaks mwaks..
only u and u i wanna spend my everyday with..
loving you lots dear..

2006-04-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

what a nite and what a day..

this is really the second time i feel my heart was tear apart.. i feel like everything seems to feel the same way as the past.. i dunno y u have to say such a thing.. im devastated.. i nv ever tot u will say those disappointing words.. im upset, im down, im depressed.. my heart bleeds.. i dunno how can tis heal.. my scar has open up by u and i feel like its nv ever going to heal again.. help..

the promises that u made u nv even kept.. and yet u say i doubt u.. im hurt.. im really hurt.. and u doubt me and check my everything.. i jus wanna see ur phone.. ahhhhhh.. fucked up.. im crazy, mad.. i nv ever sad till tis way.. nv pick up my calls.. yet can call others.. hais.. i shall say nothing more.. i jus cry in silent and let sadness carry on attack my whole life.. i guess i nv can be happy anymore again.. it hunts me everytime and everyday.. im really hurt badly..

i feel so fucked.. "shit"
i hate myself..
i really feel that u r leaving me..
i love u but u really hurt me too much..
i cant get over it.. i just cant..
u r really the one i love.. i only wanna be with u 1314..
i guess im jus a failure in love..
im sorry..

im fallen ill.. my forehead can fry an egg.. :(
all sad jus fallen on me..

do u still love me?

2006-04-29T10:01:00.000+08:00

so it was T U SDAY..

went to skool as per normal.. nth much.. skool life's still as bored as playing yo yo that only can roll up and down.. ok, then after skool went to meet my da mei ren.. LOL.. wat an idea to explore the route of 21.. ok so took it off smoothly then after that pass tis primary skool.. omg, it was so noisy till we all have to speak so loudly.. and this poor ah pek was trying his very best and squeeze his ears so close to the phone and shout at the top of his voice jus to communicate with the person.. LOL.. ok then we saw tis cute girl trying to chase the bus.. and it was quite a stupid idea cus the bus stop was a million miles away.. and she still grab all her might, holding on her heavy bag and run as fast as she could.. and after the bus jus pass to far from her, she finally give up with disappointment in her face.. LOL.. ok.. so then went home after such a exciting explore..

so WENT NER SDAY..

went to carona meet dear.. nice tasty chicken cutlet.. and i cant drink china apple le.. went to psychology tutorial.. then know dear's fren rebecca chan.. hahaha.. ok..

so THE SDAY..

meet dear at 11pm.. skip pmgt went to meet stella.. i went to do my things then they say stella call me i nv hear and walk to canteen.. she ask me sit there and if there's a person is watching me.. so stupid sia.. and so ugly lor.. then skip maths again cus i told u its limitation ok? then went to sim lim.. walk round the whole god damn building and found out that they really dun repair monitors.. how sucky.. then was so tired.. wanna eat mos burger then alot of ppl then went to eat won ton mee.. ok, i was hungry.. then feed her.. then went off to walk icon.. so stupid small building.. i bought a handphone cover, still free water and biscuit.. like going to picnic.. lOL.. then saw transexual ppl then dont wanna take lift with them but they kept going up and down.. we still mus peep.. LOL.. then so pai seh dun dare to press the button cus inside got ppl so humjirou my dear.. LOL.. ok then went to bugis.. she diao a person and still do her trademark laughter.. hahahaha.. funny hor? then play daytona.. so stupid.. i do wrong stunt.. ok, dun wish to talk bout it.. went to play basketball.. ahhhh, stupid.. finals then lost.. how sad.. then wanna play soccer then found out its late.. so we r exploring the whole bugis area to find the bus stop that has bus 23.. LOL.. then walk and walk and walk and walk till we reach little india.. then finally we board the bus cus the smell its unbearable.. ok, saw my fren then chill for a while.. a call from mindy came and ask where's my dear.. then another call from fangyi ask where is she.. then another stupid call came not going.. then was like -0- "stunt".. LOL.. then went to tampines.. i forget to tap the my ez-link cus trying to say wanna take the single deck bus ma.. then fall asleep, so nice to sleep with dear.. then reach le.. go ecp straight away.. play wei lian game then saw a retrench guy very sad.. then went to settle down.. play and play.. then went home.. we took our bus and she went home first.. ok.. thats all..

yesterday was FRY DAY..

went to meet william they all.. eat, lecture then go play dota.. so long nv play with them and obviously i thrash them.. then play cs.. then tommy and his fren and guobin came.. we play a real dota game.. they lost we won and so happy.. then went to kbox.. wanted to sing till our hearts out but siliang came and we have to get out to pei him.. and also i wanna pei my dear so chill with them first.. then my pretty cute dear came, so cute and nice to have her hair tie.. then walk with her to century square metro play toys.. then saw this crazy frog.. so stupid sia.. then she kept pressing all the crazy frog tummys.. then all so noisy.. then walk and scroll around.. im a kind person i know.. then walk and walk.. then wanna go that time she so brave, counter was beside the shelf and she was at there kept pressing the tummy's of crazy frog.. then heard a commercial but went there finish le.. but who am i? im a electrical pro.. so i let her see again.. hahahaha.. so nice hor dear? hahaha.. then see her off.. saw tammy's porn.. full version.. she board the bus and i call my frens they at tp sia.. shit.. then took cab to orchard then went to dota.. found cash took it and our expense r covered.. then so happy but the happiest is the time with dear..

mwaks mwaks..
so love my pcd dear..

2006-04-25T08:48:00.001+08:00

skool sucks..
monday sucks..
class sucks..
subjects suck..
lectures suck..
tutors suck..

i wanna change my fucking retard life.. how?

i feel my wings have broken in your hands
i feel the words unspoken inside
when they pull you underand i would give you any thing you want, no
you were all i wanted
all my dreams are fallin' down
crawlin' round (and round and round)

somebody save me
let your warm hands break right through
somebody save me
i don't care how you do it
just stay, stay
come on
i've been waiting for you

i see the world has folded in your heart
i feel the waves crash down inside
and they pull me under
and i would give you anything you want
you're, you're all i wanted
all my dreams have fallen down
crawlin round (and round and round)
somebody save melet your warm hands break right through
somebody save me
i dont' care how you do it
just stay here with me
i've made this whole world shine for you
just stay, staycome oni'm still waiting for you

save me anyone? pls..

2006-04-25T08:48:00.000+08:00

skool sucks..
monday sucks..
class sucks..
subjects suck..
lectures suck..
tutors suck..

i wanna change my fucking retard life.. how?

2006-04-19T08:35:00.000+08:00

yesterday was tuesday, (who dunno? crap)

then wake up at 8.45am, but still wanna sleep and afraid will overslept so drag my lazy ass up and went to the sofa to lie till 9am.. then when to do the killing housework and went to get ready up.. oh as soon as i expected, it was 10.45am.. rush out and chase the bus 83, went to pay off my bills and head straight to kallang.. omg, she late again, but anyway, i look over it..

went to sebawang, crap place.. then go i-mode, tradition came.. ok, then skip to sebawang HAVE SEBAwaNG.. ok, the arcade was crap.. and make my mrs pig wanna vomit.. then alot of skool kids around, then went to library read a scary ghost book looks like a fairy tale.. LOL.. then liling call, we went to woodlands.. then walk around finally land at arcade.. ok, she first i second in daytona.. so pro.. automatic kiddies.. lol.. then so fun play hockey with her.. hahahaha, first time play arcade with the one i love.. LOL, feel great.. ok, then went to look for stella they all, then heard them say they saw we smack our lips.. kinda shy and pai seh.. LOL.. ok, then went home.. the bloody 961 driver like some voodoo shit, sit the bus will feel vomit and headache..

today the xing hua fang damn nice.. and kinda emotion as i see till ku bao.. the 1 sentence from u may mean nothing to u but it means a million reason to kill a person.. we mus really think before saying.. hahaha, ok.. if u wanna watch please switch to channel 55 on 9pm or 255 at 12pm.. if u wanna watch repeat at 1pm on channel 55 or 4pm..

i love u lots lots my dear..

2006-04-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

so it was thursday..

meet poh and tommy at 2.45pm.. im not late so sitting down with poh siliang and waited.. soon tommy came, chat bout some gay things then went to secret long john to wait for wee.. then walk to selegie min che say he's hungry and went over to have his favourite chicken rice.. and siliang get himself some very salty salty fish fried rice.. ok, so whatever no life.. after that went to play dota, then we won the first match and own them.. then they say revenge we play again and they won.. and they were talking craps bout us so? dota its about shouting and taunting so dont get fucked up by it.. tommy relax.. 5 v 5..

ok, we were fucked up and nothing to do so walk to bugis and went to min che shop then what the hell, he ask us go have fun first.. we r cheated so went to some lousy place.. what mega food court, only 3 food stalls and 1 drinks stall.. fuck the person, what mega? no choice, chicken rice then after dinner sit there chill play those childish ku ku passing game.. what pass message then the last one shout it out.. then funny cus those secrets bout siliang and the ulgy bitch mei mei.. LOL.. so so so bored.. then went play pool, me and danny dancing playing with each other breast and the place is really quite nice.. not bad.. then left a few of us cus most of them hav probation and the first time i see siliang so desperate for cab.. ok then saw kok wai.. so long nv see him then so shocked.. then they say play dota and my hp say its going to reach 10.. so i went home and suddenly we remember we forgot to sign out the msn at lan shop.. fuck leh, always forget.. lOL.. then try to console ourself say "aiya nothing happen la.. we nv cb ppl, ppl wont cb us." ok.. then went home.. everybody was giving me the strange stare, what the hell..

that's all.. but i was worrying bout my mrs pig the whole whole day..
get well soon dear.. i wanna play scissors paper stone.. HAHAHAHA..

love you lots..

2006-04-13T10:48:00.000+08:00

i am surprisingly blogging using my own lousy lappy.. cus my papa took off his lappy to work and dont wanna let me use.. booo.. i need a brand new com.. god please advice my papa to buy me a new com by sending a msg in his dreams or something.. thanks.. i really really need a new com..

ok, im trying to encourage my lappy not to black out at tis important moment.. i love u my lappy.. please stand by me..

hmm, monday..

went to yishun with mrs pig.. then the place is kinda for ah ma and ah gong and aunties and smelly school kids cus there's totally nth to shop around.. what the hell, its bloody small and there's not even any trendy shops only for mini toons when u can stand down there trying to act like u r shopping but actually listening to the pcd album.. rite? LOL.. ok, then tradition came and maybe its jus too bored in yishun and really such a lousy place.. i advice that yishun is not a good place for couples and i give it 1 star as its cold storage panda biscuit is nice.. but for other things, it sucks, the arcade dun even have marvel vs capcom 2..

then we move to woodlands.. ok, the mos burger was great and my dear beat me on eating fish burger as i kinda like let her win u know? LOL.. the fish burger is awesome over there, please do try it.. its the best burger in mos burger as hong kong even have their outlets.. LOL.. Mountain Ocean Sun rocks.. smack u back danny poh and others who say mos burger sucks.. cus burger too small.. booo shit.. jus nice cus its fries is kinda big but my fries is bigger.. for those dunno, then forget it.. LOl.. then milk tea if u nv add the milk is call ice lemon tea.. cus mrs pig told me n i find it untruth.. if those who wanna discuss tis u can kindly tag at my tagbox.. thanks.. then i did a wrong thing and i really regret it.. so rush back home then send dear home then watch superband along the way home and its so nice till i dun wanna alight the bus.. LOl..

that's monday..

tuesday stinks cus i dint bathe till 3.. so?

wednesday..

im sorry my dear causing ur forehead to pain.. its kinda crap when she jus bugs me like tt.. ok, i kinda like play too hard.. sorry dear.. forgive this ignorant soul ok? to forgive its divine.. ok, she was dead hungry and we when to rivervale mall to get some burgers and what buy a meal free fantastic.. so funny sia.. make me gian about the food.. stupid macdonalds.. stop making me wanna eat.. ntuc dun have the tree trunk biscuit and did i told u where to buy the panda biscuit? its meant to be a secret cus its secret shop.. please dont spread this secret.. thanks.. and my mama appear on tv.. u all know ma? LOL.. ok who cares?

then i almost forgot tt a auntie ride bicycle ask us if there's anyone at the basketball court.. so funny sia.. LOL.. then we walk home eat watch tv and she talk to her long lost minfat and ab.. then watch tv again, eat roti prata her fave.. then the games starts.. i rocks.. hahahahaha.. omg, yesterday was like the best of my life.. i made a history.. and the sprite ice thingy is so fun.. LOL.. so cool and yet so fun.. its a fun fun day.. alrite then every fun things has to come to a dinner at punggol xiaowanmian..

ok that's a fun wednesday and im really sorry my dear.. really sorry.. hope u get well soon, mwaks mwaks.. loving u for the rest of my life.. take care..

today is thursday..
i think i nv go out today.. kind off..

2006-04-07T11:41:00.000+08:00

tuesday,

meet dear.. come my house.. eat play then she met her stella to eat and go punggol plaza to shop around the big big ntuc..

wednesday,

dear bought paus and chilli crab cup noodles.. i steam the paus n cook the noodles.. she's tired.. slept.. then same take out her **a zh* then saw my cute things.. then really 1 cent not worth it.. but i will love u only for my whole life dear.. then went home..

thursday,

dear came my house, sleep, then we late to meet lll and stella.. i bring umbrella the first time.. then eat ljs.. send dear to busstop then happenings..

thats life..

i love you my dear always.. no matter what happen, we will always be tog.. mwaks..

2006-04-03T13:51:00.000+08:00

i am crazy, i am frustrated, i am mad, i am what i dont know what i am.. i am falling down..

moodless monday.. its bullshit.. argh..

2006-03-31T09:52:00.000+08:00

wednesday..

go harbourfront then go big watch a kid play some racing game then tradition..

thursday..

go downtown east see see walk walk tradition see see walk walk at home sleep..

eugene : "i am tearing up inside." -sigh-
its just a disappointment..

2006-03-29T10:52:00.000+08:00

i lied in a painful way.. i rather be sad on my own than to have you sad with me.. maybe its the best solution anyway as u seems to have some trouble of ur own.. u may not like it but its better this way..

whatever and whatsoever.. i've go through it already and now i know happiness is by choices..

whatever.. its just my favourite term..

2006-03-28T09:21:00.000+08:00

ahhh, yes.. at last i can blog le.. but after i blog tis dunno when i can blog again.. LOL..

recently has been so pissed off by my com so bullshit.. how i wish i can have a new com and play dota like a crazy child..

today..

i know it will suck but i try to get busy with my stuff..

yesterday..

meet late king at kallang.. okok, dont say le.. hahahaha.. then when to dohby ghaut.. see a girl the shirt not nice.. then walk walk walk.. kept taking lifts.. walk here and there then look at the kid playing xbox 360 before eating colin's rice.. then kept talking talking feeding my little princess.. then i so cute yet she say i act cute.. we went to factory.. see so many games, so long still play puzzle bubble.. LOL.. then play voilin still can fight.. then tis guy drive the gtr so pro.. but i dun really think so.. his drifting so lousy and yet he always so fucking heng.. hahahaha.. watever.. i dunno y we see for so long till he lost.. hahahaha.. then went to see yamaha music skool then she say she know how to play all the instrument.. after that when to spotlight.. i cant believe she's a lousy housewife and we actually can play a long time at there.. so stupid lor.. and she is a ji kong so like to play the fan and still act cute holding on the wand.. LOL.. then make me smell those disgusting things.. so yucks lor dear.. then went to mph.. we are such a knowledgable ppl.. LOL.. hahaha, then read wat dragon and rabbit and tiger book.. find out tt im actually a tiger.. then read about food.. LOL.. then she her delicious kueh bahit.. lOl.. then still see her cute kacheek.. hahahaha.. then see those ppl on top.. then went to the cathy there act hamjirou.. LOL.. then walk to the cinema.. i wanna tap her ez link card but cant.. LOL.. ok then went home.. she dont believe me bout the cant go mrt station.. saw alot of ppl then got a group very er xin still follow us everywhere.. ok, then lmg.. then ok.. take the next 62.. same old same old..

really miss my dear lots lots.. although we met each other but i still miss her alot.. i love you so much dear.. always needing u..

2006-03-19T16:34:00.000+08:00

sunday

:(

i dont know if you dont understand or you never really pay attention bout me.. i always say i study at night.. and i told you always but i dont know why you still ask me to.. i just wanna chat, cant we just chat? just saying hello and the next is buzz me off.. why juscant people t stop ordering me and let me carry on to my own plans.. if i wanna do it then i do.. when i say i will study i will.. dont need to push me away..

no matter what you see
you always look blind to me
nobody take me seriously
all alone this is eugene

2006-03-18T13:21:00.000+08:00

friday,

meet the stupid lao lan dear.. hahahaha.. meeting her at prime bus stop.. hahaha.. then went to watch hfh.. then got a part very long is very funny.. hhahhaa.. so then run around again.. i fall, leg pain.. then dunno do wat le.. then ok tt's all.. LOL.. no highlights for the day.. hahah.. stupid tommy nv ask me along to play dota.. dear, a promise is a promise ok? trust me and give me time.. im a mand of my words alrite?

loving u always my dear..

2006-03-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

thursday..

i dunno what happen.. first part of life was like heaven.. the other part was like hell.. i just dont understand why.. i willing to lose my pride my dignity my life for her.. i give in always and always.. i just dont understand.. y girls have to cry and guys must console her? maybe is fated for my life to be like tis.. when im serious in somethings, it just will make me sad.. you are really important to me.. hais..

life is not going smoothly as i plan..
why cant i just kill myself..
arf..

2006-03-15T21:50:00.000+08:00

today (wednesday)

special today.. i nv comb hair and travel to kallang meet my dear.. she so loved to chill at the mrt station while i pulling her go to badminton court and macdonalds.. LOL.. almost scared her but too bad she turn back.. hahaha.. stupidity, meet her then come my house, but not straight.. alight off the stupid dunno where busstop and walk a long long long way to rivervale mall.. really so hot and make our mood hot too.. but the playground is really fun.. now i know how to play jingle bells and row row row your boat.. stupid dear.. LOl.. then bought ljs and ock.. then say what i look at food very funny.. LOl.. ok, then walk back home, she cant le.. then ok everything was ok.. then then then.. tired but she pulled me up to clean my house.. then i saw her doing something strange.. SHE TOOK OFF HER *** ***.. lol, u know i know only ok? so stupid lor.. she took off wear again took off wear again.. LOL.. then i lock her up say what wait for my mama then really wait for my mama and ya la, ur clothes really very auntie de nice.. LOL..

yesterday (tuesday)

study play talk eat go home.. that's all..

1 day before yesterday (monday)

ok, when to the enlightment lecture, it was really the best dfund lecture i ever went.. ok, was pretty sick cus i was alone.. went to meet my dear.. so hide lor.. then silent journey to boon lay.. bloody hell, it was like going to hell.. so far and long.. then when to find cinema, such stupid dear, dun even know how to read the arrow.. ahhaha, then queue up and found out the show was 4.20pm.. still have 2++ hours.. wah wah wah, dunno who's idea went to toy 'r' us.. we spend almost our whole lifetime there lor.. kept play around like so fun over there.. and somethings r disgusting and not fun like the sharks, pull stuff, snakes, slimy ball.. it really sucks.. ok, we saw a boy i help him and he wanna join me for he man fanstastic adventure, a young girl nv wear bra, lots more.. LOl.. then the dorm movie really nice and tt's the best movie i ever watch with her.. LOl.. then went to walk around.. she stupid dont dig bout my toilet things.. then went to kiddy palace.. discuss bout this and that like cute hor cute hor.. LOL.. she dislike those fat fat clothes.. then she went home and i went home.. LOL.. fun day with an enjoyable happy time with my dearest..

the rest of my life i only wanna be with you..
my only one and important is you my lim mei wern..
love you only and so much..
mwaks..

2006-03-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

yesterday..

first part of my life was real bored.. accompany my dear chat the whole day till evening.. hmm, then call me sing ask me sing twinkle little star kelly version.. LOl.. then i was really late, tommy was on time.. then we conference.. then i reached, wait for late wee, then we move to meridian play pool.. oh, i was pro and then noob and then pro again.. then eat, went to find min che, then dota, then chill at his shop.. all this happen so fast that i dint know it was 11.30pm.. so i call back and ask for ton, but sian la.. ok, then i really really nv call my dear as the fucking dota la, play so long.. i really dint forget to call u dear.. im sorry.. then say wat i kua her phone, what is this lor.. stupid dear.. ok, then talk ar talk till reach home, bathe, sleep..

today,

i dont even know what happen.. so not smooth morning.. then ok abit smooth, then not smooth, then very smooth but she gone le.. LOL.. my dear, dont get angry le ok? i dint mean what i said, i love you so so much.. haaha, then say what so hungry.. such words from her mouth is so amazing and glad.. hoping she can really grow fat, but average fat can le, dont go overboard ok? LOL, like 60-70 ok? LOl.. dont like 80 or 90 wah, i dunno what to say.. LOL.. ok, then whole day bored out.. i dunno what i was doing all day long.. ok.. that's all.. if i say more sian.. hahaha..

i love you lim mei wern,
wo ai ni lim mei wern,
aku cinta kamu lim mei wern,
simi lan simi lan simi lan if somebody is a terroist..

i just love my lim mei wern so much..
missing you..

2006-03-09T16:42:00.000+08:00

RECAP..

today,
nth much.. met dear, came my house.. then went to meet stella, saw her papa, meiwern nv call him.. then lol, my fault again.. then she not happy with me for the ice tea, sorry dear, i will change my habit ok? love u always.. then she went off meeting her fren.. then i dont wish to carry on as everything is so fucking sian so i was force to blog..

yesterday,
kbox and dota.. fun and happy.. this wee, is suddenly so pro in dota.. hahahaha, i wonder he is playing at home ma.. tommy is sad.. LOL.. but still it was a great day..

tuesday,
dear came my house.. h to t.. so happy hor? LOL.. then we spend our happy times together.. really love her alot.. lets kept our secret together, i know i will do what i should do ok? LOL..

monday,
went ecp.. its been so long.. LOL.. go what find her sandra end up smelly stinky fishes at giant.. ok, then went to ecp saw this and that.. tis dear is so busybody bout everything.. then stupid dear, pain also never tell me and i pb her all the way, heavier than tommy.. LOL.. hahahaha.. pls accept the fact.. but i really do enjoy the monday with her.. its been long since we have such a great and happy time together.. really love her 1314..

i got a story for everyone..
1 day a ball with a cylinder shape was tied to a huge stone by a string and thrown down to the sea.. day after day, wave after wave, the ball remain unchange and stay the position for a long time.. tis shows that im settled down with the woman that i treasure alot, lim meiwern.. loving you for the rest of my life.. nothing and never will we be seperated as our love is everlasting.. no matter what, i will always be there by your side and loving, caring for you.. mwaks..

2006-03-05T11:24:00.000+08:00

i have to blind myself from now on.. seeing those things just upset me.. its better to runaway as i do not know how to face the problems.. fuck off from my life will you? why god have to always make things difficult for me..

sickening people im disgusted by their action..

2006-03-04T13:06:00.000+08:00

haha.. friday..

went dota with william, so long nv see him.. kinda miss him [not gay].. LOL.. well, first thing he say me was "fuck you la, jia sheng me dian hua".. LOL.. then he n tommy will kept say me n meiwern living in our own world ignoring all those people out there.. anyway, i only love and care for my dear, dint give a shit to other people views.. we kept playing short games, then danny came.. we play a serious and we own.. LOL, it was really damn fun and funny..

when to cineleisure.. ahh, fuck the place, full of people.. then when yoshinoya after that straight to k box.. les fren came and we jus rock the house down.. LOL.. everything was cool and fun but tommy seems odd.. LOL.. anyway, wee fucker, go scold the kbox girl.. LOL.. ok, we sang till the person chase us out, we still got so many songs sia, cant extend the time.. ok, then we went to find les.. thinking of tonning with tommy, i decided to went home..

but i missing my dear..
loving her so much..