Dear Answers,

can you answer me when will i have a normal and happy day?

I've been longing for that.



Disguise.

I put it on whenever i leave the house. Or i dont even have a house. Who can i lose my emotion to? Who will actually sit down listen to me n letting me flush out my emotion. Im not a problem free person, i am not a normal person either. I suffer bitterly in this family shit. Who's right who's wrong who's lying who's denying i dont even know. Quarrels fights cries what else i have not experience. I aint a happy go lucky person. I just pretend. Or i didnt. But who give a fuck anyway. I always joke i always laugh i always talk cock i always not serious but that just my 'outlook'. Inside me is cold and pessimistic. I think im growing alot more to pessimistic. Cause, when you look highly upon to a person, if they disappoint you, there's nothing you can hope for. I trust him, yet he make mistake over and over again. And i really hate her from not listening to my advice and make things uglier than before. What happens after that? Both will act busy, not eating and do alot of stupid shit. This time is more fucking worst. Came a pest. It totally add shit to the whole situation. Using her fucked up theory just going to make method worst. And i began to hate home, began to stay out as much as possible. There's nothing in the house i worth looking forward to. Everytime i step inside, i will start to hate my grandma first. Its automatic. follow on will be the quarrel that i hate to hear. Suddenly my life has begin to went down the hill. I am always treating my friend better i am always wrong i am always not attentive. And i am not. I have make alot of sacrifices. But you just never know and never feel that. Maybe nobody will satisfy in what i do. How i just i could at least get some praises cause i am those person that always look forward to it. SAD.

What should i do?
Who should i look for?
Who should be consoling me?