Now's actually 17/12/'06 at 2.12am.
couldnt sleep, dont know why.

16/12/'06

The darkest date of my life. It's terrible.

At first went to work without having breakfast nor lunch. Its ok, dun feel much of anything. reach there, first thing piss me off after knowing that im just a substitute. i hate the feeling of being it. nvm, everything still went well on work. This 2 aunties are sister and they treat me drink wine. ok, nice experience. oh, by the way im working as a heineken promoter. which is sucks actually.. after dinner was different.. first, quarrel with meiwern, then start to get worst which turns out to get lectured by the officer. saying im not pro-active nore enthusiam or whatever. i just not sure why i dont have any energy to work on the day itself. then quarrel with the lazy giant staff. childish old man, hope he snaps his old bones 1 day for bullying me. nearly lost my pass which will cost me 30bucks, and luckily good people do get some reward as i found it later on at my counter.

she's going off to malaysia. i aint happy at all. im hurt. im sad. depressed. nobody to talk to now. cry all the way to home. long ride, full of tears.

Hais, just for 1hr $6.50. i have to suffer more than the salary. what kind of fucked up job anyway. but i need it. its hard earned money. seriously.. i stand for so long hours, 12-9 and have to absorb angers.. how i wish i could quit the job. but really cant. im broke, my savings are depleting. my expenses is getting larger and bigger. what can i say, i got a girlfriend and i am not rich nor poor. but my pocket money is really just enough for myself, though i had quit smoking, but the 10bucks is still gone.. i just dont understand why she doing things to me sometimes.

i work really damn hard. its not for myself, but for her. why cant she pamper me for the sufferings i had. i dont like to work, but i have to feed her. now, i have to meet her everyday. every single day during school. once meet her, spend money. its not then i dont wanna meet her is i just wanna save some money to buy my bus concession.. its 52bucks and i have to fucking pay myself. and its not im a spendthrift, i always schrimp and safe just for her and to give her good food. if not, she will compare me with this and that and complain. im really tired of the job, i really wanna quit but what can i do? but the biggest problem is why she doesnt wanna pamper me. doesnt i should at least get a reward or something? hais, its sadenning to find out everything you do is a must for someone else.

sometimes she can do whatever she like but i cant. its so unreasonable and unfair. i feel sad. if she make me angry she will say forget and move on. just like today, she told me that time is limited and not to sad. she going to malaysia and i must be happy so she wont feel xing ku(pain). what a stupid excuse. i totally feel so sad. its like everything is you and where's me? do i actually belong or visible to you? hais. sad. somemore always give me stupid excuse at things she do. i just cant take it and get frustrated therefore things start to get worst.


i am sad. so sad.
drown and drunk myself.
i still got so much pain inside but i guess i still have to work my ass off tmr.
its late, 2.26am.
good nite.