Good bye 2006.
Hais, super sway tio evicted. First time in my life i got this kind of shit. sad.
SO whatever. i did have a great time ytd. hahaha, chilling out with friends is quite a nice thing to pass time. oh man, its going to reach 2007. i feel old and i can just start to countdown my birthday.
Night at the museum is a best show i ever watch. oh man, its so funny and everything is so what the hell. hahaha. its a gd show, its worth the money as you might think, what the hell, comedy for 6.50 at least. its fresh, as the idea is nv see it before. as i really die die must watch. hahaha..
my new year resolution.
Study hard.
Earn money or save money.
Last and the most important thing: Slim down.
oh, still always be happy for the 2 of us. hahaha..
life can be good
life can be bad
happiness cant depend by mood
but depend by mind set.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I am Troubled. I really dont know what she wants. i really had enough. i did follow advice, i did what i should, why she still have to treat me like this. hais.
I waited for so many days, finally she's back home. but the first thing she said was going for her class bbq. What the fuck rite? who wont feel fuck when something happen like this. seriously this really makes me sad rather than fuck. Nvm, i did what i did, i didnt hide the pain i did voice it out. but its not like i saying this to let u say to meet me rather than going. but is just to let u know. why must i always need to spell it out for u then u know. in fact i already no mood to go out at all since what u said at first. ok, then i already give in. what she want i do. and i just went to the party, is tt wrong? i mean, there's nothing rite, what's wrong. she say me its ok, i take it already.
then i just joke this guy that guy, and what happens, she angry me. why? cause she had enough of anger at home then she nv told me i wont cast tis joke rite? then call me small gas ghost. what the fuck i did? she should tell me problems what, aint couples should be open to each other. i already did my part, where's hers? then talk bout nasty things. then what you do to pamper me? its been already so long, have you really take a photo with me? always fren say this u do, sounds familiar? ya rite, u say me before but now who's doing it? i really work hard now, for who? for myself? for my family? not even a cent. rite now i only spend 11.50 for 4 fucking days. and y cant i survive without work. but no, i still have to feed her. so how to i get extra cash? work of course. and what i get, quarrel. i already suffer lots of shit in job, i take it bitterly. but why u still treat me like this? why? what happen to this relationship.
what past is in the past. right now, my heart belongs to you. if you wanna dig it out to prove what i said, then go ahead. i wont fudge. i only ask for friendship, i hope you understand. everything else, i only love you. i being honest, i never even lie. isnt being this is a criteria of a perfect guy? i am so tired. i trust u but can u trust me?
it easier to said then done
it easier to cry then smile
it easier to believe then explain
i just want you to be with me at least im asking for this lifetime,
i love you lim mei wern forever and ever 1 and only dear.
be my love?
I waited for so many days, finally she's back home. but the first thing she said was going for her class bbq. What the fuck rite? who wont feel fuck when something happen like this. seriously this really makes me sad rather than fuck. Nvm, i did what i did, i didnt hide the pain i did voice it out. but its not like i saying this to let u say to meet me rather than going. but is just to let u know. why must i always need to spell it out for u then u know. in fact i already no mood to go out at all since what u said at first. ok, then i already give in. what she want i do. and i just went to the party, is tt wrong? i mean, there's nothing rite, what's wrong. she say me its ok, i take it already.
then i just joke this guy that guy, and what happens, she angry me. why? cause she had enough of anger at home then she nv told me i wont cast tis joke rite? then call me small gas ghost. what the fuck i did? she should tell me problems what, aint couples should be open to each other. i already did my part, where's hers? then talk bout nasty things. then what you do to pamper me? its been already so long, have you really take a photo with me? always fren say this u do, sounds familiar? ya rite, u say me before but now who's doing it? i really work hard now, for who? for myself? for my family? not even a cent. rite now i only spend 11.50 for 4 fucking days. and y cant i survive without work. but no, i still have to feed her. so how to i get extra cash? work of course. and what i get, quarrel. i already suffer lots of shit in job, i take it bitterly. but why u still treat me like this? why? what happen to this relationship.
what past is in the past. right now, my heart belongs to you. if you wanna dig it out to prove what i said, then go ahead. i wont fudge. i only ask for friendship, i hope you understand. everything else, i only love you. i being honest, i never even lie. isnt being this is a criteria of a perfect guy? i am so tired. i trust u but can u trust me?
it easier to said then done
it easier to cry then smile
it easier to believe then explain
i just want you to be with me at least im asking for this lifetime,
i love you lim mei wern forever and ever 1 and only dear.
be my love?
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
oh man,
now people are talking bout policy about investment about money. savings, what the hell.. since when did this word cross my mind. i spend all i get. i always think that money can always earn back, so i should spend on what i think its rite and reward myself. but now i see myself reaching 21 and someone wake me up by saying "hey where's your saving?" thanks for the advice you gave me and i really need to plan. my ah bei also rushing me to get a joint account, so i must have some money in it or else pai seh sia.. wahahaha.. also another gd advice i mus be grateful i have to change my "si lang kuan" as in bad habit in hokkien, i fond of saying tt. hahaha. always make people frustrated to be with me. ah, must change. there r so much things i need to change and i really need to change my belly la. 1 or more years to army, my belly still look like a punching bag, so pai seh everytime i sit down. wahhahaha, ok, come my self-discipline, i must really work hard.
i hope i could work my ass off right now, what stress what difficulty i must fight them. fight them all. i am king of the kings, this kind of small things wont hurt me. "self-hypnotise, dont care me" anyway, survive in this reality world, needs money. so i must tolerate and pressure is success. something like what "ya li is tui dong li". then heard my mama job sucks, no double pay during holiday, boo. somemore dont know why mamas love to hao lian bout son's results saying her collegue son got 6pts in 'n' lvl. LOL. my mama ask me how much i get i say 6 and i feel bit pai seh cus i see 3pts in my skool last time. hahaha.
sian. this stupid job i really have to bite my teeth and survive another 6 days. i hope i will step up alittle and be pro-active.
cheer me up.
smack the problems away.
ah bei coming home soon, yippie.
i miss you so so much.
now people are talking bout policy about investment about money. savings, what the hell.. since when did this word cross my mind. i spend all i get. i always think that money can always earn back, so i should spend on what i think its rite and reward myself. but now i see myself reaching 21 and someone wake me up by saying "hey where's your saving?" thanks for the advice you gave me and i really need to plan. my ah bei also rushing me to get a joint account, so i must have some money in it or else pai seh sia.. wahahaha.. also another gd advice i mus be grateful i have to change my "si lang kuan" as in bad habit in hokkien, i fond of saying tt. hahaha. always make people frustrated to be with me. ah, must change. there r so much things i need to change and i really need to change my belly la. 1 or more years to army, my belly still look like a punching bag, so pai seh everytime i sit down. wahhahaha, ok, come my self-discipline, i must really work hard.
i hope i could work my ass off right now, what stress what difficulty i must fight them. fight them all. i am king of the kings, this kind of small things wont hurt me. "self-hypnotise, dont care me" anyway, survive in this reality world, needs money. so i must tolerate and pressure is success. something like what "ya li is tui dong li". then heard my mama job sucks, no double pay during holiday, boo. somemore dont know why mamas love to hao lian bout son's results saying her collegue son got 6pts in 'n' lvl. LOL. my mama ask me how much i get i say 6 and i feel bit pai seh cus i see 3pts in my skool last time. hahaha.
sian. this stupid job i really have to bite my teeth and survive another 6 days. i hope i will step up alittle and be pro-active.
cheer me up.
smack the problems away.
ah bei coming home soon, yippie.
i miss you so so much.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
work is so tough everytime.
now they said christmas eve must finish at 1.. i not sure if its 1am or pm, i hope is pm if 1am then is damn shit.. hais, i really dont like the job but everything is for money.. looking on all the things i like, i have to think twice cus i have 1 more mouth to feed.. who ask guys have to be the breadwinner of the family..
All American Rejects- It Ends Tonight [nice song]
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such distain
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this eveningI give the final blow.
[Chorus]When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.
who would
kiss me in the forehead and say i will succeed.
hug me tightly saying i will pamper you.
make me smile in the things she will do.
listen to my problems and tell me i can fix it.
hold my hands and look at me as if im protected.
how i wish someone i love will do that.
lost alone in this cruel world.
now they said christmas eve must finish at 1.. i not sure if its 1am or pm, i hope is pm if 1am then is damn shit.. hais, i really dont like the job but everything is for money.. looking on all the things i like, i have to think twice cus i have 1 more mouth to feed.. who ask guys have to be the breadwinner of the family..
All American Rejects- It Ends Tonight [nice song]
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such distain
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this eveningI give the final blow.
[Chorus]When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.
who would
kiss me in the forehead and say i will succeed.
hug me tightly saying i will pamper you.
make me smile in the things she will do.
listen to my problems and tell me i can fix it.
hold my hands and look at me as if im protected.
how i wish someone i love will do that.
lost alone in this cruel world.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Now's actually 17/12/'06 at 2.12am.
couldnt sleep, dont know why.
16/12/'06
The darkest date of my life. It's terrible.
At first went to work without having breakfast nor lunch. Its ok, dun feel much of anything. reach there, first thing piss me off after knowing that im just a substitute. i hate the feeling of being it. nvm, everything still went well on work. This 2 aunties are sister and they treat me drink wine. ok, nice experience. oh, by the way im working as a heineken promoter. which is sucks actually.. after dinner was different.. first, quarrel with meiwern, then start to get worst which turns out to get lectured by the officer. saying im not pro-active nore enthusiam or whatever. i just not sure why i dont have any energy to work on the day itself. then quarrel with the lazy giant staff. childish old man, hope he snaps his old bones 1 day for bullying me. nearly lost my pass which will cost me 30bucks, and luckily good people do get some reward as i found it later on at my counter.
she's going off to malaysia. i aint happy at all. im hurt. im sad. depressed. nobody to talk to now. cry all the way to home. long ride, full of tears.
Hais, just for 1hr $6.50. i have to suffer more than the salary. what kind of fucked up job anyway. but i need it. its hard earned money. seriously.. i stand for so long hours, 12-9 and have to absorb angers.. how i wish i could quit the job. but really cant. im broke, my savings are depleting. my expenses is getting larger and bigger. what can i say, i got a girlfriend and i am not rich nor poor. but my pocket money is really just enough for myself, though i had quit smoking, but the 10bucks is still gone.. i just dont understand why she doing things to me sometimes.
i work really damn hard. its not for myself, but for her. why cant she pamper me for the sufferings i had. i dont like to work, but i have to feed her. now, i have to meet her everyday. every single day during school. once meet her, spend money. its not then i dont wanna meet her is i just wanna save some money to buy my bus concession.. its 52bucks and i have to fucking pay myself. and its not im a spendthrift, i always schrimp and safe just for her and to give her good food. if not, she will compare me with this and that and complain. im really tired of the job, i really wanna quit but what can i do? but the biggest problem is why she doesnt wanna pamper me. doesnt i should at least get a reward or something? hais, its sadenning to find out everything you do is a must for someone else.
sometimes she can do whatever she like but i cant. its so unreasonable and unfair. i feel sad. if she make me angry she will say forget and move on. just like today, she told me that time is limited and not to sad. she going to malaysia and i must be happy so she wont feel xing ku(pain). what a stupid excuse. i totally feel so sad. its like everything is you and where's me? do i actually belong or visible to you? hais. sad. somemore always give me stupid excuse at things she do. i just cant take it and get frustrated therefore things start to get worst.
i am sad. so sad.
drown and drunk myself.
i still got so much pain inside but i guess i still have to work my ass off tmr.
its late, 2.26am.
good nite.
couldnt sleep, dont know why.
16/12/'06
The darkest date of my life. It's terrible.
At first went to work without having breakfast nor lunch. Its ok, dun feel much of anything. reach there, first thing piss me off after knowing that im just a substitute. i hate the feeling of being it. nvm, everything still went well on work. This 2 aunties are sister and they treat me drink wine. ok, nice experience. oh, by the way im working as a heineken promoter. which is sucks actually.. after dinner was different.. first, quarrel with meiwern, then start to get worst which turns out to get lectured by the officer. saying im not pro-active nore enthusiam or whatever. i just not sure why i dont have any energy to work on the day itself. then quarrel with the lazy giant staff. childish old man, hope he snaps his old bones 1 day for bullying me. nearly lost my pass which will cost me 30bucks, and luckily good people do get some reward as i found it later on at my counter.
she's going off to malaysia. i aint happy at all. im hurt. im sad. depressed. nobody to talk to now. cry all the way to home. long ride, full of tears.
Hais, just for 1hr $6.50. i have to suffer more than the salary. what kind of fucked up job anyway. but i need it. its hard earned money. seriously.. i stand for so long hours, 12-9 and have to absorb angers.. how i wish i could quit the job. but really cant. im broke, my savings are depleting. my expenses is getting larger and bigger. what can i say, i got a girlfriend and i am not rich nor poor. but my pocket money is really just enough for myself, though i had quit smoking, but the 10bucks is still gone.. i just dont understand why she doing things to me sometimes.
i work really damn hard. its not for myself, but for her. why cant she pamper me for the sufferings i had. i dont like to work, but i have to feed her. now, i have to meet her everyday. every single day during school. once meet her, spend money. its not then i dont wanna meet her is i just wanna save some money to buy my bus concession.. its 52bucks and i have to fucking pay myself. and its not im a spendthrift, i always schrimp and safe just for her and to give her good food. if not, she will compare me with this and that and complain. im really tired of the job, i really wanna quit but what can i do? but the biggest problem is why she doesnt wanna pamper me. doesnt i should at least get a reward or something? hais, its sadenning to find out everything you do is a must for someone else.
sometimes she can do whatever she like but i cant. its so unreasonable and unfair. i feel sad. if she make me angry she will say forget and move on. just like today, she told me that time is limited and not to sad. she going to malaysia and i must be happy so she wont feel xing ku(pain). what a stupid excuse. i totally feel so sad. its like everything is you and where's me? do i actually belong or visible to you? hais. sad. somemore always give me stupid excuse at things she do. i just cant take it and get frustrated therefore things start to get worst.
i am sad. so sad.
drown and drunk myself.
i still got so much pain inside but i guess i still have to work my ass off tmr.
its late, 2.26am.
good nite.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
This time i letting all come out.
This time i stand up and shout.
I do things my way,
its my way all the highway.
Its so fucked up to have those things that i ask for a million times and i dont get one. And others just ask for it and get it straight away. what the fuck are you people thinking. Isnt the one that is pursuing gets the motherfucking priority? or does you have any fucking sympathy on my consistent and just grant my wish. but no, what the fuck you do just insert me with a fucking excuse that now fuck my whole mood up. you fuck me again. constant fucking me towards the next year. what the fuck i do to have this fucked up things attached to my life. everyday i kept fighting with fucks that tearing up my mood, my life, myself. i had enough fucks for today for this week, for this month, for this fucking year. oh, what the fuck. i fuck care everything now. its fucking makes me numb. what i ever i ask for, fuck it. i dont even need a fuck anymore. why am i such a fuck mood now, i dont know i dont know what the fuck happen to you. why you doing this to fuck me again. im fucking tired. so fucking tired. im pushing to the edge of the fucking cliff. push me fucking down and just let me die.
hey, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
This time i stand up and shout.
I do things my way,
its my way all the highway.
Its so fucked up to have those things that i ask for a million times and i dont get one. And others just ask for it and get it straight away. what the fuck are you people thinking. Isnt the one that is pursuing gets the motherfucking priority? or does you have any fucking sympathy on my consistent and just grant my wish. but no, what the fuck you do just insert me with a fucking excuse that now fuck my whole mood up. you fuck me again. constant fucking me towards the next year. what the fuck i do to have this fucked up things attached to my life. everyday i kept fighting with fucks that tearing up my mood, my life, myself. i had enough fucks for today for this week, for this month, for this fucking year. oh, what the fuck. i fuck care everything now. its fucking makes me numb. what i ever i ask for, fuck it. i dont even need a fuck anymore. why am i such a fuck mood now, i dont know i dont know what the fuck happen to you. why you doing this to fuck me again. im fucking tired. so fucking tired. im pushing to the edge of the fucking cliff. push me fucking down and just let me die.
hey, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Friday,
stuck home, singing along with my limp bizkit tracks man. awesome band.
heavy rain. wash away my mood of the day. everything went quite well in the morning. never late for my class, people offer to do projects with me. not bad actually. then no teacher for my make up test that my fren was saying. went to library with kahmeng and watch soccer. met william and went to grandlink. play for sometime then went to bugis discover shit has injected to my life. ok, i heard wrongly the interview place was at shaw tower or the person just dint talk properly at all. then another poor communication with mei wern that went hay wired. and everything else i just keep it to myself. no use or there's no need to say it out.
sometimes i ask myself. what's better, to care or fuck care? fuck care is of course better as in no quarrel and will be happier. but tis will make me prepare for her to leave me and will only get used to life without love. to care, there will be quarrel and each of us just wont be happy. dont ask me to balance or what, i just cant. it wasnt my decision of letting you go, it was your decision all along. but i will know what to do and wont put you in difficult spot. and as for me, i just feel that less quarrel will be better and to see you happy, i do anything. people say i should go with you and things will happen, although i have the same view but i always lie to myself its going to be alrite. and if i go maybe there will be constrict and wont be a enjoyable experience for you. so lets do what we should do. and its not the trust or anything, guys are cb, i just know, you said its gonna be alrite, but i know it sure will come up with somethings. maybe i have not been there before but i just know. but whatever, since you already went and i'm already sad, lets just slot this file into the back of my head.
i hide the feelings to prevent us from quarelling.
so i on my way,
i leave today,
if i get away,
it'll be ok.
trust isnt the way to love,
its a excuse for freedom.
you dress to kill,
would you love me still?
stuck home, singing along with my limp bizkit tracks man. awesome band.
heavy rain. wash away my mood of the day. everything went quite well in the morning. never late for my class, people offer to do projects with me. not bad actually. then no teacher for my make up test that my fren was saying. went to library with kahmeng and watch soccer. met william and went to grandlink. play for sometime then went to bugis discover shit has injected to my life. ok, i heard wrongly the interview place was at shaw tower or the person just dint talk properly at all. then another poor communication with mei wern that went hay wired. and everything else i just keep it to myself. no use or there's no need to say it out.
sometimes i ask myself. what's better, to care or fuck care? fuck care is of course better as in no quarrel and will be happier. but tis will make me prepare for her to leave me and will only get used to life without love. to care, there will be quarrel and each of us just wont be happy. dont ask me to balance or what, i just cant. it wasnt my decision of letting you go, it was your decision all along. but i will know what to do and wont put you in difficult spot. and as for me, i just feel that less quarrel will be better and to see you happy, i do anything. people say i should go with you and things will happen, although i have the same view but i always lie to myself its going to be alrite. and if i go maybe there will be constrict and wont be a enjoyable experience for you. so lets do what we should do. and its not the trust or anything, guys are cb, i just know, you said its gonna be alrite, but i know it sure will come up with somethings. maybe i have not been there before but i just know. but whatever, since you already went and i'm already sad, lets just slot this file into the back of my head.
i hide the feelings to prevent us from quarelling.
so i on my way,
i leave today,
if i get away,
it'll be ok.
trust isnt the way to love,
its a excuse for freedom.
you dress to kill,
would you love me still?
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