im 19.. old great.. im stepping forward to be a man.. and i wish everything will just get over and done with fast so i can get on with my career and proceed further.. so 1 year older means i have to be 1 year matured.. well, i still wanna enjoy my life so let's leave the mature thoughts when im like 21.. well, doing nth much on my birthday.. gd start actually with my maths quiz, dint thought that it was easy and i was late meeting my dear.. we chill awhile at my house then went off to esplanade.. again, there's a misunderstood.. after esplanade she see me off and we have to meet like 5 days later.. it sucks i know.. went to meet my brother, dine at yoshinoya[whatever for the spelling], watch i am not stupid too, and really enjoy my day with them but still i feel sad.. well, tt's all for my birthday..

thanks lots to everybody that still have a thought for me that its my birthday..
thanks lots for my dear..
my snacks cabinet, my fridge is totally full of ur stuff.. LOL..
im going to be fat..
love u lots my 1 n only dear..
i will be waiting here, only for u..
i really miss u alot.. feel so empty without u..
thanks bros.. u r appreciated..

*crying for you dear*

if god can treat me good..

i wish u can grant my wish to escape reality..

cus i'll be living in a beautiful dream of mine..

you are leaving,
im waiting,
everyday will be missing,
and loving..

the more i see you,
the more i miss you,
the more i dun bear you,

you are leaving,
i know,
it will be hard for me,
i know,
but still i have to pick myself up,
i know,
its going to be a millions of misses,
there will be more,
i shouldnt be selfish,
i shall,
maybe tis well just lets us treasure the time we have,
i will,
i cried and hoping time is moving fast,
i am,
i wanna get ur pictures to weaken the pain,
i wish,
but u wont agreed,
i know,
just have a great time over there,
cus i know,
u happy = i happy..

i love you..
i will be waiting here missing and waiting for you..

Rumors are tumors
Of the sick and mainly useless
When you come to me with these things
It's the shit that I can't deal with
Still I gave you all of me
Faithfulness and honesty
Prayed for God to bring you near
Along with all these tears
When that's what's wrong
That's what I get
For feeling this

i am whatever u say i am.. im tired of arguements.. maybe its time i should teach u bastards some lessons.. stop messing my life.. i really love her.. stop making it difficult for me.. i am watching u bastard that trying so hard to take her away from me.. be careful, dont even know me still wanna talk shit bout me.. mess with me, u r dead.. mess with her, u r dead.. either way, just take note bout it.. i willing to give up my everything for her.. baby i love u only forever..

mesmerised by evil 

peng love heirloom 

What's love?

do we know the answer? do we even know how to love? will we leave each other after a certain point of time.. u say u trust me but im feeling u r just purely saying that to comfort me.. "i love you forever. i wanna be with forever." what's all these things when there's no trust in it? Faith.. all i need is u having FAITH in me.. i suffering, i sacrificing, i willing do changes just to be ur dream guy.. i loved to be myself, i really do.. but i jus love u more than i love myself.. that's y i making changes, but in the end, i dont see any praises, i dont see any happiness, all i can see is sadness.. i never change to get all this, i just want u to be happy.. although im depressed, i try to joke n make u happy.. cus i know, i love you..

im living in shits.. everyday i came home, i jus saw my mama crying, i jus saw my dad's sleeping.. what's all this? where's those family atmosphere i see in the tv? my mama wanna divorce, my dad's having an affair.. who's the fucking victim.. me.. its fucking me.. who give a shit bout my feeling.. all u all know is think for urself, what bout me? u know im suffering? u know i'll jus be a problem child? what future will i have when im living in this kind of family? i just dont believe in love n i just dont trust marriage.. why are you all so irresponsible and give me these thoughts? im grown up, i know what's right what's wrong.. but no matter how old i am, i need a family isnt tt rite? i need to be loved..

I HATE ME. I HATE MY LIFE.. I HATE ALL THIS SICKENING STUFF THAT'S HAPPENING.. IM BREAKING DOWN.. BUT NOBODY CARES.. WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING? NOBODY APPRECIATES ME.. IM JUST A NOBODY.. NOTHING IS RIGHT.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. FUCKED UP..

BURN MYSELF INTO ASHES..

sometimes i reminisce.. i wish to redo my mistakes..

kbox with william, shun qiang, wee, tommy, leslie.. it was fun.. we raid the whole room.. play tommy's nipple, run around, play leslie, do funny things n sing till our throat breaks.. n we even sing those damn retro songs n new year songs too.. LOL.. long shu xia was cool..

wat im searching for is this kind of life.. when's so carefree n freedom.. but it will come to the end cus im getting 19 soon.. so soon.. still hav 2 more years i going to leave tis world n went to a misery life call army.. LOL.. maybe it will be fun but i will sure miss everybody especially my lim meiwern.. there's jus somethings bout her really make me miss her like hell.. im loving her forever.. our chemistry jus wont end..

maybe i should take it easy sometimes.. but.. i just cant forget the shits you did..

i really hate this world.. i think its not fair for me.. i want the old times.. i want those happy times.. all u give me is shits in my life tt ask me to wipe it off n carry on again.. wat's tis? god, r u sure tis is my life?

wat should i do.. is it my fault? why i suck in relationship always.. i jus wanna say something in my mind n end up dissing her.. and she jus leave me here.. and everytime i take the initiative.. im tired.. i still have other problems left for me to suffer.. i jus need to be heard n a girl to stand by me.. am i wrong? is tt too much to ask for? i dunno.. love life jus dun mixed with my true self.. i should start being a hypocrite n fake.. cus my trueself will hurt n make her sad..

i begging god to bring u near but u came with all these tears..
that's what wrong..

i miss all my secondary frens.. still remember the times we fuck those teachers, make them so pissed off.. me, danny, tommy, the hopeless group, we totally bring laughter to the class.. everytime our niu teacher came, sure end up using his handkerchief to wipe his sweats.. its not hot, he jus stress. hahahahaha.. dude, i miss those days.. i miss my frens, my happy go lucky days.. remenise is cool.. but some past are bad.. but i dont wish to forget, cus it reminds me those mistakes tt i make n i should learn from them n not to do it again.. whatever it is, i will always remember u guys that back me up.. hahahaha..

i dunno y quarrel between frens or even seems common nowadays.. jus some rumours, it will really screw some tough relationship up.. not even frens, but lovers too.. rumours r indeed tumours tt make relationship sour.. damn those assholes.. tommy and wee, pls reconcile, i jus want u brothers back.. brotherhood, where's the blood brothers huh? cmon..

for my dear, im always with you and be ur armour.. i just dun wish to see u sad n suffer ok dear? love you lots..

im working real hard to be THE PERFECT GUY. im willing to change although i love to be myself.. but i learn i shouldnt be selfish n give in to my dear.. i mean, if i able to change to the gd why not? but its suffering not to smoke.. feel the cold, coughing, sneezing.. its all part of the change.. and yes, i hate those idiots tt love to break ppl up.. u wanna break, i break ur bones.. it refer to everybody that close to me.. u wanna break them up, i break ur bones so dun try to be funny(did i say i break ur bones again.. hmm, i really mean it).. i mean real.. think of the past, i used to be voilent.. everytime fuck tis fuck that.. fuck u fuck him fuck she.. dun talk jus whack.. save explaination later.. im a crazy guy, that can turn crazy suddenly.. can stand at the edge thinking how is it to jump down.. hahahahha, kinda think bout it.. i indeed change alot.. ever since i go for anger management, i dint go hay wired like last time.. im more to think be4 i act.. i did changed.. hahahaha.. but still, nobody understand me.. well, maybe im hard to understand.. im wierd.. LOl.. anyway, tt's ok for me.. as long as i can still able to make ppl funny im glad.. especially my dear, seeing her smile is like seeing a sunrise that will jus bring nite to day.. there just times tt im down, i will struggle n still make her smile cus i know.. her smile is so beautiful that will cheer me up.. i really wanna hug her tightly n whisper to her ears softly and tell her how much i love her only.. she totally mesmerize me.. she just too important to me.. being with her is the best thing in the world.. happiest only with her..

dedicated to my dearest meiwern: i will love u like i nv love again.. only u can make me do wonderful things.. i love u only my lim meiwern..

dedicated to those bastards that love to break ppl up and screw up ppl relationship : im slim shady, with balls and bonds, i can cures literally, i can kill u psyhically, im the best dude u never wanna mess with, im just ur nightmare, bitch..

friday..

when to skool with dear.. she is early n im late.. we took 21 cus we scared dragon.. LOL.. but she's herself is a dragon.. LOl.. stupid dragon kids.. we took 15.. so tiring n dangerous.. need to cross the road.. LOL..

ok, tommy meet me, i go for maths tutorial he waited for me outside.. so stupid.. then went to meet wee.. they still dint talk n everybody was like so bored.. then peng come, me n tommy when to ate nasi padang.. so nice, the fish is so crunchy, like biscuits.. then went to cybercafe n use tis com meiwern use be4.. LOL, so funny.. then when to meet weeleng they all.. they smoke at the business staircase, my first time there n so freaking hot.. ok, then went prsp lab, go net, then went to 7th storey lab, then this weeleng throw the toilet perfume, so smelly.. then me n tommy went to queenstown.. chill with sec frens, me n him discuss bout wee, i hope everything will be alrite for them..

went to meet dear, dint know she was so fast.. LOl.. then chill at mushroom at the kallang river.. LOL.. so first time.. then raining.. the time i spend with her over there, i wish tt the time will jus freeze n let the moment be forever.. she's really so beautiful n mesmerize me.. i going to stuck on her for life.. n if anyone wanna bully her, i will kill u.. i jus dun wanna see her sad, i want her to be happy forever.. dear, i love u lots lots..

you are always the one i love..
willing to do anything for u dear..
i love u lots..

IT'S 2006..

HAS EVERYBODY CHANGED?

tommy n wee, its kinda different this year.. i dunno what happen ever since after the xmas eve celebration.. is like, they use to meet each other after skool or even go skool tog.. so surprisingly they dun even talk now.. now, they see each other like so invisible.. 1 online then 1 offline.. so stupid like 2 couples quarrel.. lOL.. maybe is wee too close too wee leng.. not maybe, they r so close.. maybe we jus dun suit wee leng style.. hais, lose a bro dun wish to gain a stranger.. hope i still have 3 bros for friday..

well, 03/01/2006 is a date to remember..
this dear is getting so se.. its hard to believe but its so truth.. im always her buffet.. but cant help, cus i love her so so much.. LOL.. she stole my everything lor.. all first time with her.. feel so fresh n feel so innocent.. LOL.. so happy with her.. really.. her smile always save me from my darkness time.. i really so love her.. feel kinda dishearted when i find out she get so low pay.. feel so sad.. i ask around n its like really not enough.. i should take note of wat i spending n have savings so i can feed my dearest baby.. i really love her n dont wish to see her suffer.. come, let me feed u forever.. i love u so much.. she is still a wonderwoman.. LOL, a weak one.. n i jus love to see her pitiful face n hear her moan when im able to drag her around.. LOL, so cute n really love her so much.. so wish to hug her so much.. her pimples, fats, xiao long bao, silky legs, all attract me so much.. of cus, n alot of things its difficult to mention here.. LOl.. we've been thru alot of things and each time i feel so close to her.. i really closed to her and only want to be forever with her.. dear, i love u alots.. really so love u..

happy 3 months dear..
i really feel so happy to be with u..
i love u so so much..
forever loving u..

cant sleep writing tis worthless blog..

oh, is 2006.. tmr will be 3months.. i jus hope every would be fine for the rest of the year.. 3weeks that i will turn 19.. getting older, getting weaker.. what the hell.. what's this.. sometimes we should learn to let go n be alone.. that's how me n tommy console each other at msn on a fucking new year eve.. hahahahahhaa, pretty shit.. but watever.. at least we keep each other accompany.. is frens > love ones? everybody answer should be yes.. because sometimes, the one tt cheer u up n spend more time with u is frens rite? for me, i think should be = .

wat a 2005.. but time to say gdbye.. so much for sadness.. god, give me some happiness ok?

i hate changes.. i dun want anything to change.. i like the past.. when everything is cool.. can i stay in the past?

the answer is NO.. please learn to move on dude..