LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME ANYMORE..

sorry that i was so uncool at christmas eve.. ruin everything.. but i kept feel the torture of loneliness, pressure, anger..

i was not feeling well actually.. but wat the hell.. nobody cares anyway.. decided to meet those little bastards at ps.. play pool, i lost almost every match.. dude, where's my skill? went dota.. lost more than i won, dude, what happen? saw couples, families, happy faces, then i look myself at the mirror, thinking why am i such a loser? but worst come to worst, who give a shit when i hav brothers to party the hell out of xmas.. then after meeting yanda, we doing almost nth, wat the fuck leh.. then we sit down outside 7-eleven enjoy the nite, then i saw something that fuck me up right in the brain.. ok, its jus something i should forget.. anyway, ha..

squeezing our asses to taka, wow, great idea, ah peng.. spray spray spray, we are totally pissed off.. till we get our hands on some sprays, we kept fucking everybody.. its was damn fucking cool.. then met william, so cool.. but everything comes to the end when i suddenly feel my body was burning.. i feel weak n sick.. im jus tired maybe, went to mos burger to grab a bite.. i just cant imagine the scene.. there she is, standing far way from me, dint came n talk to me.. i jus feel kinda neglected or should it be rejected? i shouldnt hav ask her to come is it? its like she's being force.. or am i jus a lowdown piece of shit squatting on the sides eating tt its too embarrassing to be with? love jus cant mix with life? or maybe my brain is jus too hot to think bout doing the rite thing?.. anyway.. wat's done is done.. bygones are bygones..

i feel such a fucker of christmas.. i fuck everybody.. i am sorry.. and im dearly sorry to my meiwern.. maybe i shouldnt hav met u.. im sorry i was jus plain too selfish.. im sorry..

im still burning, somebody helps me put off some flames.. its torturing.. hope everything will be ok, will be alrite.. my dear will me happy and stay smiling, my family will be fine, tt wat i wish for the new year.. i will sacrifice myself if there's a need to exchange all these wishes..

wish everybody will hav a great xmas, new year, last week of 2005..

chen jun da love lim meiwern forever..