ITS NEW YEAR EVE.. I AM ALONE AT HOME AND EVERYBODY OUT THERE SHOULD BE HAPPY CELEBRATING WITH FAMILIES AND FRIENDS AND LOVE ONES.. I WISH EVERYBODY WOULD HAVE A WONDERFUL 2006 AND I WISH LIM MEIWERN WILL BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD..

DO YOU KNOW ME? I GUESS NOBODY TRUELY UNDERSTAND ME EVEN THE ONE I LOVE.. AM I SECOND TO NONE? I DUNNO.. AND SHE DONT BELIEVE ME ANYMORE.. ITS BECAUSE I KEPT HURTING HER.. I DONT WISH TO DO THAT BUT WHY THIS KEPT HAPPENING.. KARMA JUST BITES ME.. I DONT WANNA SEE HER SAD.. I DUN WANNA SEE HER CRY.. I LOVE HER ALOT.. IM REALLY BEATEN.. I REALLY HATE QUARRELS, I REALLY HATE TO HURT YOU, I REALLY DUNNO WHAT TO DO.. CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO TO MAKE U BELIEVE ME AGAIN? I REALLY LOVE YOU.. PLEASE DONT BE LIKE THIS.. THE WAY YOU SAY IT, YOU ARE LIKE LEAVING ME AND TURNING AWAY FROM ME.. I DONT WANNA LEAVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.. AND I ALWAYS DO.. ITS TRUE.. PLEASE DONT BE LIKE TIS.. IT HURTS.. I REALLY LOVE YOU..

I AM TRYING HARD TO BE YOUR PREFECT GUY YOU WISH.. EVERYTHING YOU WISH I TRY HARD TO MAKE IT CAME TRUE.. I REALLY WANT YOU DEAR.. PLEASE COME BACK TO ME..

IF I COULD CHANGE I WOULD,
TAKE BACK THE PAIN I WOULD,
RETRACE EVERY WRONG MOVE THAT I MADE I WOULD
IF I COULD MAKE YOU HAPPY I WOULD,
IF I COULD MAKE YOU SMILE I WOULD..
IF I COULD STOP MAKING YOU SAD I WOULD..
IF I COULD STOP HURTING YOU I WOULD..
IF I COULD BE WITH YOU FOREVER I WOULD..
IF I COULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO LOVE YOU FOREVER I WOULD..

I REALLY DONT KNOW WAT TO DO NOW.. I FEEL SO LOST.. THE ONE I REALLY LOVE SEEMS TO HATE ME.. WHAT SHOULD I DO.. I FEEL SO TROUBLE.. IM SORRY.. PLEASE COME BACK TO ME.. MEIWERN.. PLEASE.. I CAN STILL GIVE YOU THE HAPPINESS YOU NEED.. DONT LEAVE ME OR HATE ME.. TRUST ME AND BELIEVE ME.. I REALLY LOVE YOU ONLY..

NEW YEAR EVE..
IM STUCKING ALONE AT HOME,
LOCKING MYSELF IN THE ROOM..
BURSTING WITH TEARS,
BLAST MY HIFI,
JUMPING UP AND DOWN,
KNOCKING MY HEAD,
COUGHING TILL MY LUNGS OUT,
SHOUTING TILL MY THROAT BLEEDS,
CUTTING MYSELF,
FEEL THE RUSH OF IT,
LETTING THOSE BAD BLOODS FLOW OUT..
MAYBE THAT WILL CHANGE MY LIFE
AND I WILL REBIRTH TO BE A GREAT PERSON FOR YOU..
I AM SORRY..
I WILL BE BETTER..
I REALLY PROMISE..

SOMETIMES I JUS WISH I COULD BE DEAD, I WONT MAKE PPL SUFFER AND I MYSELF WONT SUFFER.. MAYBE ITS JUS A GD RUNAWAY METHOD.. I HATE MYSELF.. I REALLY DO..

"Have you ever loved someone so much you give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they are your heart
And you know you are their armor
And you will destroy anyone who will try to harm her
But what happens when karma turns right around and bites you
And everything you stand for turns on you to spite you
What happens when you become the main source of her pain"

i quote tis part from a song cus i think it can describe how i feeling now.. i really dun wish to see u sad.. i do anything to see u glad.. its hurts alot to see u down, how i love to see u smile.. i quit smoking even before 2006.. i willing to push myself to the limits jus to be able to be the perfect guy for u my dear.. i really love you..

i always love u my dear.. love u lots.. its beyond any limit of this world.. i do anything to please u.. as your smile means alot to me.. i love you forever my dearest meiwern..

i am sorry..
and..
forever we belong..
chen jun da love lim meiwern forever..
counting down to
4 more days..

thanks doctor.. i nv ever feel so great.. guess tuesday i can get out n enjoy myself..

hmm.. there's something even greater.. there's no urge of smoking tis week.. maybe this fever make me quit smoking..

searching and learning how to be a perfect guy.. only for meiwern, i'll do anything to please her and make her happy..

LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME ANYMORE..

sorry that i was so uncool at christmas eve.. ruin everything.. but i kept feel the torture of loneliness, pressure, anger..

i was not feeling well actually.. but wat the hell.. nobody cares anyway.. decided to meet those little bastards at ps.. play pool, i lost almost every match.. dude, where's my skill? went dota.. lost more than i won, dude, what happen? saw couples, families, happy faces, then i look myself at the mirror, thinking why am i such a loser? but worst come to worst, who give a shit when i hav brothers to party the hell out of xmas.. then after meeting yanda, we doing almost nth, wat the fuck leh.. then we sit down outside 7-eleven enjoy the nite, then i saw something that fuck me up right in the brain.. ok, its jus something i should forget.. anyway, ha..

squeezing our asses to taka, wow, great idea, ah peng.. spray spray spray, we are totally pissed off.. till we get our hands on some sprays, we kept fucking everybody.. its was damn fucking cool.. then met william, so cool.. but everything comes to the end when i suddenly feel my body was burning.. i feel weak n sick.. im jus tired maybe, went to mos burger to grab a bite.. i just cant imagine the scene.. there she is, standing far way from me, dint came n talk to me.. i jus feel kinda neglected or should it be rejected? i shouldnt hav ask her to come is it? its like she's being force.. or am i jus a lowdown piece of shit squatting on the sides eating tt its too embarrassing to be with? love jus cant mix with life? or maybe my brain is jus too hot to think bout doing the rite thing?.. anyway.. wat's done is done.. bygones are bygones..

i feel such a fucker of christmas.. i fuck everybody.. i am sorry.. and im dearly sorry to my meiwern.. maybe i shouldnt hav met u.. im sorry i was jus plain too selfish.. im sorry..

im still burning, somebody helps me put off some flames.. its torturing.. hope everything will be ok, will be alrite.. my dear will me happy and stay smiling, my family will be fine, tt wat i wish for the new year.. i will sacrifice myself if there's a need to exchange all these wishes..

wish everybody will hav a great xmas, new year, last week of 2005..

chen jun da love lim meiwern forever..

WHY FUCKED UP SLUTS LOVE TO FUCK GUYS?

WHY FUCKED UP GUYS LOVE TO FUCK SLUTS?

THE WORLD IS FUCKED UP..

WHY??? I HATE TO BE MIDDLE MAN..

IM FULL OF SADNESS.. DEPRESSION..

WHY MY LIFE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?

WHO'S WRONG? WHO'S NOT?

ITS FUCKING SADDENING.. I FEEL LIKE DYING..

SOMEBODY PLEASE SHARE MY BURDEN WITH ME.. PLEASE..

TEARS FALLS,
IM NOT THE HAPPY EUGENE ANYMORE..

DEAR SANTA,

im a quite a gd boy this year.. jus to wait for christmas and hoping u can grant my wishes..

my wishes are simple and i really wish u can make them came true..

1st. i want to be with limmeiwern forever..
2nd. i want limmeiwern to be happy forever..
3rd. i want the ripcurlz skirt.
4th. i want to quit smoking.
5th. i want a sweater.

LOL.. its tt ok santa? 5 wishes only, not really tt alot rite? if u cant really grant all my wishes, try ur best to grant the 1st, 2nd n 3rd.. ok?

thanks santa..
bless me this xmas..
i'll continue be a gd boy..

I CANT STOP THINKING BOUT IT..

I LOVE MY BABY LOTS..

im sorry,
n hoping for ur understanding,
i didnt meant it seriously,
as i love u truely,
wtih my heart faithfully,
no others jus u only,
u r the only tt drug me,
making me miss u badly,
u r always my lovely,
dun want u to go my baby,
i love u forever really,
making ur everyday happily,

i love u so much,
jus so much,
more than i could describe.
loving u with all my mite,
missing u from day to nite..

im sorry.. i dint meant wat i said.. im deeply sorry..
i love u 1 n only.. for tis i meant it..
i dont wanna hear u r leaving..
as i'll love u till my heart stops beating..

i hope everything will be the same again..
but i know, my love for u will be more after each day..

REGRETS :
it all happens like a blink of an eye,
its just too late for me to reply..

cry myself to sleep.
cry myself to sleep.

today is fuck..

everybody just shut up..

tt's better..

this friday doesnt seems like friday..

start skool at 10,
meet panda bedok then tam,
she was late and we climb the stairs,
i always dint meet her successfully,
its time i musnt be sleepy,
maths was still crazy,
epdes lab was still messy,
meet new frens at IT,
funny dude call weeleng,
but he's one hell of a beng,
still funny as u can see from his name,
we stay at IT n its too sian,
boredom is such a pain..

we go chill at the lab,
weeleng jokes still a crap,
going canteen to get pack,
then they wanna play bball,
i cant do tt anymore,
then panda give a call,
met her n walk her to the stop,
playing along the way non-stop,
then she's like a kid tt love to hop,

ok, we chill at all the busstop around kallang,
later find out tt my dear is a se lang,
LOL, she seems to know much bout geylang,
hahahhaa, we r so close to each other everytime,
the more we meet the more we dun bear it,
time seems like a barrier,
but we r still merrier,
as she know, i know,
love is forever,
yea, tt's all i can write bout friday,
oh i forgot bout liling,
who dont really look like liling,
as she is quite full of fillings..
hahahaha, dig?

ok, tt's all folks, love u lots my baby..

TO SHU MEI AND ANYONE ELSE..
ITS A LYRIC OF A SONG..
BY FORT MINOR, SOP..


Where'd you go? I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
She said "Some days I feel like shit, Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing
"Where'd you go?" I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone, Please come back home...
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing
"Where'd you go?" I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone, Please come back home...
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...
Where'd you go? I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go? I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home... Please come back home...
Please come back home... Please come back home...
Please come back home...

fort minor is the band of month.. cool music..
sop.. buy it..

give me a break
my life is at stake
the flu is killing me
the stress is hurting me
i am going to be mad..

life is in crisis..
stuck in the dead end..
help.. anyone?
oh well, im all alone now..

fort minor rocks.
dude, im dying..
jus wish i can see u for the last time..

love u only with all every bits of my heart..
u complete me..
sorry if i cus any misunderstood..

ok, today was cool..

went to skool at 9 saw my fren, then 10 quiz, i was the first to come out.. i know the steps but i dunno the answer is correct ma.. LOL.. then went to coffeeshop near marybrown there to eat chicken cutlet.. so regret, i wanna eat ba kut teh.. LOL.. or roti prata..

went to dota, come out, dota again, then meet my ah wern.. LOL.. we r so playful.. kept playing the whole journey to her home.. LOL.. then walk to her house, saw wat suddenly sale.. LOL, so stupid lor.. LOL.. i dunno y n how, she pull me to the mrt station like she was a wonderwoman.. LOl.. ok, so i follow her, then we walk the coconut falling area, then got a place so stinky near the mrt.. then i decided, take bus is better.. ok, we walk to the bus stop.. then we was like its been long since each other and from afternoon till nite.. my whole body was full of her smell.. then alot of ppl look at us.. LOL. ok, then its time for me to meet my dumb frens.. then tis stupid indian roti prata seller drove bus 7 passs me.. asshole, i flag he still drove pass me.. stupid.. so funny.. LOL.. and this panda, is so ticklish.. or ticklelish? LOL.. kept make me laugh.. hahahaha..

ok, board the bus 7, from tt moment i miss my panda lots n worry bout her safety to home.. always dun wanna let me send her home.. why? then went to wat JJ Pub.. damn boring.. yanda flirt a china girl.. so old, as old as his mama.. tommy flirt cindy, tt's wat yanda say.. wee flirt a girl call samantha.. dave flirt the bar girl n was happy.. ah peng n me r lonely boys.. but he was the saddest cus he didnt flirt one.. LOL.. so i sit there, drank a bottle of heiniken.. then chill, till i almost fall asleep.. tis yanda, so ass.. ask the china girl come talk to me.. stupid shit.. i kinda bored her out so she find another person.. LOL.. wat vivian, so disgusting.. pls no more tis shit.. then went dota with tommy.. then went home..

i love my panda faithfully n wholeheartedly..

a family man, wont target other girls n will come home to his wife daily..

i miss u n love u forever my dearest ah wern..

Today is the day when i am a funny guy..

ok, bring lappy to skool.. very heavy..

late for java, standard..

go maths lecture, sleep all the way..

go breadboard eat, then chill at lib..

wait for meiwern, so long lor she.. dunno wat happen..

so stupid, im a clown in the auto cad class..

but im so happy i can see panda today..

so miss her then so love her..

dear dear, i love u forever..

tmr hav maths quiz? how? going to chiong at nite..

happy 2 months to my panda and me..

hahahaa, time flies real fast as we've been together for 2 months.. few down moments for this month, but i guess next coming month or year or decade will be great for us.. i really need her and totally rely on her.. nth can break us up.. i just totally love her so much..

still thinking bout our first meeting and it was quite lame and shy.. hahahahaha.. then 2nd outing was the day when we r officially together.. it was so unforgettable.. hahahahaha.. i love u so much panda.. guess i wasted much time as we should be together earlier.. well, its not too late too and i will work hard on my promises also getting to know more bout my precious u.. hahahaha..

loving u forever and ever..
miss u..

happiness is found only with u my dear.. and i will provide u the best happiness in the world..

ok, today is friday..

went to bedok to meet panda cus i was late.. hahaha.. then she came n saw the queue is as long as a long( "dragon" in chinese) hahahaha.. queue up to the shop lor.. then saw her fren, thinking of finding him to cut queue, but like no use.. then 2 single deck 69 came n the queue is indeed shorter.. than her fren was useful now.. hahahaha.. ok, went to breadboard meet tommy.. chill at there n he follow me to my maths tutorial.. ok, then epdes, team with a china guy, teacher love me, kept calling my name, panda call, go pavillion with her.. then i feel abit confuse.. is like whether i should choose frens or her.. i dunno what should i do.. im sorry if i make u feel anything.. hais.. ok, then pei long to meet his fren.. ok, we sit at the railing.. then they smoke, i never smoke.. then panda n stella came.. i guess they tot i was smoking or something.. but i nv even touch it.. dunno how.. sad..

when to see the saw2.. there's was blood.. ok, very disgusting.. then went to east coast park.. then wanna buy mango yogurt ice blended.. but the queue so long lor.. ok, then went to east coast park.. walking towards the sun, but seems so far away.. then saw a seat, then sit down.. bad choice, cus hav ppl kept running around.. then panda push me, jus nice landed on a cool place.. then she tired.. we chatted.. she wanna em em.. i dig a hole for her.. LOL.. ok, then walk home cus raining.. then she dun wanna me pei her home, i dun understand why? ok, i make panda sad.. i was stupid n idiot to joke bout leaving her.. im sorry n i wont ever leave u ok? i already plan for our future n i love u forever.. i am really sorry to make u feel tis way.. im feeling worthless as i couldnt do anything to lift her up from downfall.. ok, then caught in the rain.. bad luck.. who takes the blame? then sleep..

i promise u every moment i will make u happy n glad..
no more sad no more feeling down..
i love u forever n ever..
missing u always..

today's rap..

i love you,
it is truth,
forever n ever,
always be together..